My Old School, Part Two

The West Coast contingent met up with MOC Friday night at a fancy restaurant in the big city. The boys were clearly out of their element, since most of their meals out are at their local Denny's, but MOC was right at home. Every high school class has an MOC: class president, cheerleader, and heartbreaker.

I showed up first since I pride myself on punctuality. MOC arrived shortly thereafter. I was surprised that she was wearing her senior prom gown but it was in great shape, and so was she. We had about a 20 minute wait for 4M, TK, and the Upgrade King. Their excuse was the traffic from the Giants/As game but I sense they were bickering for quite a while on who got to ride in the front seat. It worked out since MOC and I had some time to catch up, since it had been 32 years. I'm pretty sure I was the main one she was interested in talking to anyway. I had a few things to get off my chest. I confided in her that, although I often put up a good front, it has been a very difficult 34 years, 8 months and 3 days for me since she broke up with me in the school cafeteria.

Actually I spent a summer working with MOC so I had seen her a mere 30 years ago. We worked at the local Holiday Inn. She was tending bar and had to wear a rather skimpy outfit. So I saw quite a bit of her. I was upset by that situation and I excoriated the hotel management, in all my feminist fury, for making her wear it. MOC took it in stride, along with copious tips from the barroom gawkers.

The Upgrade King drove 4M and TK up from the South Bay, which is a good thing since 4M was toting a 1998 Domaine Trevallon and a 2001 Mount Eden Cabernet Sauvignon in a lovely carrying case. And we didn’t even tap into that until he ordered a fine screw top New Zealand sauvignon blanc to start things off. As mentioned previously, 4M is an oenophile and I hang with him mainly to get some good wine. So after hugs all around we started knocking back the vino and getting reacquainted.

We had a lot of territory to cover. We discussed college days, family, and how we ended up in California. TK and I provided a bit of detail about our recent infirmities but that didn’t stop us from getting into a brief fist fight after dinner over who would drive MOC back to her hotel. TK tweaked his back trying to throw a roundhouse so I won.

4M is still in tip top shape so he didn’t bore us with any medical stories. He just bragged about his current 15 minute mile pace and spent the rest of the night schmoozing the waiter, angling for a free glass of dessert wine. The Upgrade King is much younger than us and looks it. I think his front teeth were just coming in when we graduated high school.

We wrapped things up around 10:30. MOC was kind enough to pay for dinner. As I dropped her off at the hotel, she echoed the message I received in the cafeteria in the fall of 1971: “We can still still be friends”.

Random Thoughts

You thought they were all random, didn’t you? That is not the case. I am a methodical individual and a common theme will soon emerge from all my blog posts. To the clueless that cannot discern it, I’d like you to keep reading anyway. I’ll throw in a few simple jokes for your enjoyment.

I will start out with a celebrity update but I plan to branch out. Brangelina remain in the news. They have recently announced that they plan to adopt another child, although they aren’t sure from where or what race. It must be great to pick and choose like that. It’s kind of like shopping. Back in ’93, about a month after we brought the twins home, I felt that something was missing from our life. I thought long and hard and then realized what we needed: more infants!

World Cup mania has gripped the globe. Although it is not as popular in the U.S. as in most countries, there is still a great deal of excitement being generated here. The sports bars are doing excellent business and I’ve seen lots of different foreign flags being displayed. I have one friend, TK, who is a complete soccer nut. He’s been glued to his TV since the tournament started. We had lunch planned one day but he canceled it to watch the Trinidad and Tobago vs. Cameroon match. He got a special cable TV package so he can watch all the games. When I asked him how it was, he said “It’s Comcastic!!”

There’s been quite a hullabaloo lately in the food industry. KFC has been criticized for using high fat partially hydrogenated oils to fry their foods. I was stunned by that revelation. I always go there if I need to drop a few pounds and I was disappointed in that news. It looks like they will be bowing to pressure on this one. Word is that they are considering switching to light sweet crude in the near future. KFC is not the only offender. Starbucks has also been taken to task for fat content. I have a friend in the marketing department there and he told me they are working on several new products to counter the bad press. They are betting big on the new Goat Cheese Frappuccino. It will not be offered in the venti size. We contacted the DJ Center for Personal Responsibility to get their take on these recent events. They lawyered up.

In news closer to home, there’s been a bit of a crime wave in the next town over, which has caused friends and family some concern. The local police blotter reported that a Toyota Tacoma “had been covered with Ranch dressing and butter”. The patrol officers that arrived first thought it was spinach dip and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. The perpetrator had apparently left several hollowed out rounds of sourdough bread lying around to throw them off the trail. They had to call in the CSI taste specialist, who confirmed the food products in question. The vehicle owner was understandably upset but he did mention that, on the bright side, his passenger door no longer squeaked.

#1

My #1 reader and his family flew off to France today. To show them that there are no hard feelings about them going to Europe without us, my wife drove them to the airport. #1 was my traveling companion on my last two European tours. To read more about last year's trip, go to my March 14 blog post. Yeah, like that's going to happen. My wife's OK with them going to Europe but I'm pissed. However #1 is not aware of that so he gave me a key to his house in their absence, just in case. As in just in case I get in a snit and decide to go steal all his light bulbs or toilet paper his living room. If you have any better ideas, I'm open to input. He's taking his Treo, or whatever the hell that device is, to check in at work, but mostly to keep up with my blog. Hey, #1, stop at Safeway on your way back home for some TP and light bulbs.

Bambinos

After the news came out this morning that Britney Spears was considering going to Namibia for the birth of her second child, my chum 4M called me oracular, based on my last blog post. I attribute my prescience to the fact that I understand their mindset, due to my own celebrity. However, Brit's rep later released a statement denying the reports. My next prediction is that she'll just send K-Fed, then close out his credit cards.

In other celebrity birth news, Angelina Jolie stated today that she found the experience frightening. That confused me since Brad had said that it was peaceful. But then I thought back on the birth of my first son. It was probably frightening for my wife as well, especially since I was at a bar in the Haight seeking peace.

Lastly, Greg Kinnear and his wife welcomed their second child. I've always liked Greg Kinnear and I now have increased respect for him and his wife since they decided to have the kid in L.A. and give her a normal name as well.

Thank You

I want to thank my readership for their overwhelming response to my last blog post. They were concerned about my well-being and reiterated that my celebrity reporting was one of the highlights of their otherwise mundane lives. Strengthened by their support, I will soldier on.

As always, there has been a lot going on in the world of the stars. I have it from reliable sources that K-Fed will soon be nominated for Father of the Year. And Keith Richards seems to be recovering well from his Fiji accident. I had read a while back that after surgery he was alert and speaking with his family. He hadn’t done that in years so the surgery was clearly a major success.

There was a recent article on AOL that stated "Being Pregnant is Suddenly Hip" and with both Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears in a family way, they were right on the money. Right now Anna and Brit are busy studying the pronunciation of various African countries. I’d just like to say that I deplore all the jokes about going for a dip in the shallow end of the gene pool and I hope the births will be as peaceful as Shiloh’s. I also wanted to check with the common people if being pregnant was hip so I asked my wife if that’s how she had felt. I can’t print her response since this is a family blog.

Speaking of family, my daughter got confirmed at Grace Cathedral in SF yesterday. It was a beautiful event that was only slightly and briefly marred by a spat my wife and I had. I had gotten to the church early so I was assigned the task of saving seats for the rest of the family. I had saved what I thought was sufficient space for the family but my wife clarified that that was not the case. When asked for specifics on how many seats she had wanted, she said “a bunch”. With crystalline direction like that, I do not know how I failed. I shouldn’t have left my set of velvet ropes at home. Fortunately we made up during the sign of the peace.

My older son was confirmed there a few years back. I had been hoping he would go into the family business and take over my blog some day but he has other plans. He wants to go to med school and specialize in dermatology. He hopes to make a mint in what is widely expected to be the burgeoning field of laser tattoo removal.

The Wolverine Speaks

But, as usual, doesn't have much to say. Some people think he's being cryptic but the fact of the matter is that his communication skills are rudimentary. Most of his letters are pieced together out of some East Coast rag's headlines, giving the appearance of a ransom note. He just sent me a comic strip refererring to blogs as "ego blather". I'd think he was trying to tell me something but then I looked on the other side. There was a Blondie strip. That's more his speed. He and Dagwood are kindred spirits.

There's probably a lot to report on the celebrity front but I may be starting to burn out. I've been really down since my return from Namibia. I should be excited that Paris Hilton is putting out an album of hip hop and reggae tunes. The spark is just not there. I need to take action. I'm thinking about stopping by the grocery store to get a Scientology stress test.

Arts and Wine

We went to the local arts and wine festival today with my #1 reader and his wife and son. I took my kid on the Tilt-O-Whirl, which was a grave mistake. He loved it but for me it almost became the Tilt-O-Hurl. I was able to keep my lunch down but just barely. My #1 reader didn't join us, which is another example of his acuity.

I was a bit disappointed in this year's offering. They didn't have one of those games where you shoot the squirt gun into the clown's mouth to blow up the balloon. Nor did they have the thing where you shoot the red star out of the slip of paper. I'm sure no one has ever beat that one but it's fun to shoot the gun and it has been a constant source of employment for carneys for decades. The final letdown was the lack of a fried dough booth. What the hell is an arts and wine festival without fried dough. I had to settle for a funnel cake.

To change the subject completely, what do you figure Jerry Falwell can bench press?