Maybe Monthly Was Better

As I was leaving work today, I noticed that the car parked next to me had a neatly packaged plastic bag of what appeared to be dog shit tied to the rear door handle. Oh, these young pranksters.

Speaking of a neatly packaged bag of shit, have you caught any of the RNC? Besides for the rotund and orotund NJ governor kicking off the Christie for President 2016 campaign, there was Ann Romney's "love" speech. I could take no more than a couple minutes of either. I know Mrs. Romney loves her man, but I can't help but feeling that this is a more accurate depiction of him.

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/greed-and-debt-the-true-story-of-mitt-romney-and-bain-capital-20120829 

Back By Popular Demand

I had a discussion with The Wig yesterday. This was one of those rare occasions in our 30+ years of banter in which we agreed with each other. He told me that the monthly blog was not working. As much as it pains me to say it, he's right.

My hit count for the month currently stands at 88. I can do better. Not much better, but better. I had also heard rumblings that #1 was losing interest in the blog. If that is the case, then my hit count is in the crapper. Therefore things need to change. Of course #1 also said that my posts are much more interesting when they are about the FC boys. I wish the actual hanging out with them was more interesting. But I digress. As of today I'm going back to the old SLA. There will be a post at least every ten days.

As usual, my recent existence has been interesting. Last month I was chosen for jury duty. Most times I just call the night before and they tell me I'm dismissed. No such luck this time. I won't discuss the details of the case but it ended up being a mistrial. It was an interesting process, if not exactly 12 Angry Men. There was a bit of slack time daily so I made sure to bring some reading material, like my wife's Newsweek magazines and my favorite Dostoyevsky novel, Crime and Punishment. The trial lasted two weeks and that $15 a day sure came in handy.

So what's pissing me off these days?. Oh, there's plenty, but idiots that can't manage to park between the lines comes to mind first. At least I have company. 

 

Maybe some of the offenders can take lessons from my son, as he is now a professional car parker.

I was driving up FC Boulevard a while back and I thought I saw some dude walking his kitty. As I got closer, I realized it was a miniature collie. Maybe I need glasses for more than reading now.

I love it when someone comes up with a creative name for their business. You can find this one off El Camino in San Mateo. I'm sure they are not happy with the new medical marijuana dispensary that recently opened down the street from them, Stop N Dope.

OK, I don't want to wear out my welcome. I'll see you in 10 days or less.

Live From Puerto Vallarta

It's the Philly and Damey show. 

Whoops, I forgot that this widely read monthly is supposed to be in the format of a roman à clef.

Live from Puerto Vallarta, its the Unc and DJ show. We'll be here through Sunday. Try the tacos. Or as Unc says, "tackos"

So our fine friends Unc and his wife invited us down to their time share in PV and we flew out of SFO on July 1, which was 29 years to the day that I arrived at SFO to begin the start of my Bay Area existence. I like to keep my readers apprised of important dates in the life of DJ.

Since I am a lazy writer, I waited a couple weeks to get some of our adventures down on paper. Fortunately for you, I had recorded some of said adventures on my smaht phone during our car rides around PV and environs. These provided an accurate travelogue as well as a few giggles in The Attitude, which was our car model.

As we checked in, we assiduously avoided getting roped into the time share free breakfast and hard sell, even though it would have knocked of a good percentage from our bill. Our room did not have an ocean view as those across the hall did. We easily could have gotten an ocean view. All we had to do was go to a free breakfast. And they were nice enough to call each morning for the first three of four days to see if we had changed our mind. Finally I think they understood Mrs. Unc when she said NO for around the 18th time mid week.

Our big day trip for the week was to a town called Mascota, which is known for its cheese. It was a winding ride of over two hours, which caused Mrs. Unc, whom henceforward I'll refer to as Mashie, to be a bit queasy, although she managed to avoid hurling. The road was quite remote. We saw signs for derrumbes, aka landslides. There were also many to advise of the wildlife; bobcats, snakes. armadillos, turtles, bunnies, chupacabras.

During the ride, my wife pointed out another town along the way she found on the map, San Sebastian del Obese. I was intrigued to find out what points of interest San Sebastian of the Fat held for us until she put on her glasses and reported that is was San Sebastian del Oeste. 
 
We arrived at Mascota mid-afternoon and there was not a great deal going on. We apparently had not planned well and did not take the traditional siesta into account. We stopped at a small hotel and told the friendly couple that ran the place that we were in search of cheese. The man took me for a quick walk to a store where I was able to buy three different types of cheese and some bread. Unfortunately the fresh crusty bread we enjoyed throughout our trip was not available by midday so I settled for some slightly sweet rolls.

We took our goods to the small visitor's center we had encountered on our way in for a late lunch. It may have not been the best dining area choice as it smelled strongly of cow shit and had a couple mangy dogs hanging out. But in my parallel with most of my life, we didn't know what else to do. So we set to eating and quickly asked ourselves why the hell Mascota is known for its cheese. Mashie almost spit out her first spongy bite. The range of the three varieties went from boring to mediocre. We bought the Mexican version of beer nuts at the visitor's stand, chowed them down with some bread and headed back to PV. I briefly contemplated leaving the cheese for the wildlife on the road back but then reconsidered as I've always tried to avoid cruelty to animals. 
 
The next exciting event of the trip was our attempt to go into town for dinner as it was raining. As we got closer to the center of town, we realized it would not be prudent to continue. The water in the streets was rising, eventually reaching 6-8 inches. Unc is quite the car savvy guy, with a previous career as a professional mechanic, so he coached my wife, who happened to be driving, through the flood waters as we headed back. He knew we could easily stall out the vehicle if we didn't proceed with caution, so we heard his constant refrain of "slow down, keep it slow". Thank you Unc. We made it back for a middling dinner at the Mayan Palace.

Later that week we headed out to the Marieta Islands, which was a great trip for many reasons, not the least of which was that I did not need to employ Dramamine. Our host for the day was Emilio. He and his crew were high energy, entertaining and accommodating. We had a chance to snorkel and saw some amazing fluorescent fish. Emilio had a small octopus in his hand for a while and was showing to the folks. I'm sure that octopus was saying something to the effect of "put me the hell down buddy"

I got pretty worn out by the snorkeling and was the first one of us to get back on board. They put out good spread for lunch and then we went on their bird watching tour. The Marietas are known as the home of the blue footed booby, which is one of my favorite varieties of booby. Here's a pic.

After lunch we had a drink or two while the crew entertained with their comedy and break dance routines. I had to go back to bar a couple times to get an extra shot in my margarita. I had had one at the hotel that was weaker than I am, and, as Hall and Oates said, I can't go for that. Since the booze was part of the package, the extra shots were free. Here's our crew.

We had a lot of great meals in PV, which I won't won't elaborate on because this is not a food blog damn it. We had gotten many recommendations from some new friends of ours from Marin. I'm constantly making friends. What does that tell you? To steal a line form a previous blog post, which I stole from a Dos Equis commercial, my "charisma can be seen from outer space". 
 
The last outing outside PV was towards the end of the week and it was just Unc and I. The ladies stayed back and enjoyed some two for one daiquiris at the hotel's beach bar. I think they are called that because they have 2% alcohol in them. Did I mention I don't like weak drinks?

So Unc and I headed out to El Tuito whilst the ladies lounged. They are good at that, as well as telling Unc and I when we needed to go back to the grocery store for supplies. El Tuito ended up being less interesting than Mascota. Perhaps in both towns we didn't drive far enough to find the "small town charm" I read about on the net. Unc and I ended up spending about 10 minutes there after our hour drive, mainly to stretch our aging bodies. From what we saw, there was nothing to recommend a trip there. A guy on a bike rode by with a large sack that had a large stink to it. We determined it was likely some sort of carcass to be grilled up. Unc called it his carry on.

So that pretty much sums up the trip. Many thanks to our pals Unc and Mashie for a great vacation.

I'll close with a gem from Mittens.

Here's a quote from Romney's 2010 book, No Apology: The Case for American Greatness:

"England is just a small island. Its roads and houses are small. With few exceptions, it doesn’t make things that people in the rest of the world want to buy. And if it hadn’t been separated from the continent by water, it almost certainly would have been lost to Hitler’s ambitions."

I'm sure the Brits were impressed with him during his recent visit to the Olympics. What a schmuck!