Taken By Surprise

I found out yesterday that The Wigs are coming to town Friday.  Does that seem like enough notice to you people? Naturally, the main question is: Am I ready for this? Maybe you’ll find out on my next post.

The Republicans are screwing around with the debt limit again.  McConnell says he doesn’t want to help the Democrats ram through “partisan socialism”, which I think means helping common people as opposed to fat cats.  But the really important news is in Stephanie Grisham’s new book.  She was the Trump press secretary that never held a press conference.  She mentions how Trump talked about the size and shape of his member as well as having a young aide come on Air Force One so he could ogle her butt.  Nothing but class.  What I found really interesting is that his staff played show tunes to calm him down.  I think they got the idea from a Dr. Spock book.  My wife does the same thing when I’m in a mood, except for me it is movie soundtracks.  If I’m really beside myself, she puts on St. Elmo’s Fire.

I know a few folks that have gotten their COVID booster.  I don’t think I qualify until May, when I hit 65.  I understand there is a new administration method that is less painful.  They just slip it in your salad dressing.

Both my wife and daughter have decided to get the new iPhone 13 Pro.  My wife justified it by saying she has never gotten the latest model.  I wanted to tell her my family never got the latest Cadillac when I was a kid, just a used Plymouth Fury, but I thought the better of it.  The girl called me to discuss her thoughts on buying it, but I did most of the talking.  I might have mentioned the $250 Samsung that was several versions behind when I got it.

Believe it or not, there’s been some celeb news.  A model named Lucky Blue Smith, 23, is having his third kid.  The first was with an ex and the second and third are with his wife.  I checked Wikipedia and that is apparently his real name.  His current kids are Gravity Blue and Rumble Honey.  As one of my favorite 1990s era infomercial lunatics used to say, “Stop the insanity”.  And I caught a headline asking what’s next for R. Kelly after his guilty verdict.  I’m going with prison.

Check out this clip featuring Dave from Basketball Digest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oGkyw9vnng

To close, I’d like to ask a perfectly reasonable question.  Have you ever been shook by your own abs?

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/even-vanessa-hudgens-shook-her-160200475.html

Local Man Blogs

I saw a headline dated yesterday stating “Trump campaign knew voting machine claims were false”.  You could have printed that as soon as they started that crap.  Lying liars lie.

Trump’s asshole acolytes organized a Justice for January 6th rally in DC recently, but it did not seem to come off as planned, as they were outnumbered by the press and police.  The Twitter wags weighed in, saying I’ve seen bigger crowds:

“at a meeting of the local Crimean War re-enactors group.”

“at meetings of the Star Wars Holiday Special Fan Club.”

“at roadside rest stops in west Texas.”

There was a guy at the rally who sang a song about Ashli Babbitt.  I’m sure that was a mellifluous moment.  When SB1 was a preschooler, he always told me to “sing a song about my day” when I put him to bed.  I’d run through breakfast, lunch, TV shows he watched etc. I’m sure the lyrics I came up with on the spot outshined the Babbitt ballad.

That’s enough for politics.  We got rid of Trump, but we’re stuck with McConnell, Cruz et al along with some ridiculous Southern governors that are letting their citizens croak.

I look to celeb news as a balm, although it is not always good news.  I was sad to see Lil Uzi Vert got the $24M diamond he got embedded in his forehead ripped out by a “fan”.  That’s gotta sting. There must be a better use for a $24M diamond.  Scratch that, there must be a better use for $24M.

Olivia Munn and John Mulaney are having a baby.  I notified my FB posse that they have already begun shared custody discussions.

Scott Disick, 38 and Amelia Hamlin, 20 have broken up.  Amelia may be the spoiled child of Hollywood B listers, but I’m glad she has gotten away from Kourtney Kardashian’s creepy baby daddy. It’s time for her to start a dysfunctional relationship with someone her own age.

Are you tired of my efforts to be a Perez Hilton manque?  OK, I’ll give it a rest and tell you what me and wifey have been up to lately.  We went to beautiful San Jose last week to spend time at the urban garden spot that is the home of 4M and his wife.  We thought about bringing a bottle of our better wine but then realized that would be a faux pas.  We were treated to six bottles of his finest wine. I’d like to clarify that we made a good dent in it but did not finish all of them.

Last Friday the wife had about ten of her work girlfriends over.  I did a little prep help, like lug our classy, hammered metal ice bucket out to the patio.  I thought our in-laws had spent a fortune on that gift, but I did some research, and it was only in the $70 - $100 range.  I expect to point that out to them when we see them again. Otherwise, for the party, I barricaded myself in the bedroom with a plate of food and a few beers.  I came out for a brief charm offensive, but I knew my place and went back to it after a few minutes.  That’s what makes me a dream husband.

Gavin Stays

Larry Elder and any Republican passing off phony election fraud claims can kiss my ass.

I went back on my word and yanked #1, The Wolv and The Wig off of the blog email list so I could force my posts on a few unsuspecting victims, like my siblings.  I know that in their heart of hearts, the subtractions and additions will forgive me some day.

The wife and I flew to Seattle Thursday to attend the wedding of the Belgian’s middle daughter, a good friend of our daughter.  We took the light rail from the airport and TCG met us for our walk to their hotel.  The four of us then drove their rental car onto the Bainbridge ferry and checked into the Poulsbo Inn.  That evening we headed to quaint Scandinavian themed downtown Poulsbo to dine at the Burrata Bistro with the TCG, Bankers and the numbers.  The girl and her girlfriend arrived late from their Portland drive, but we had ordered ahead for them.

Our waitress was quite a lively one, so she and the good food and large cocktails made for a great evening.  I handled the bill, which came to an even grand, so I told everybody it was $100 per person.  The Banker, a professional whiz with numbers, pointed out to me that there were 12 diners, not 10.  Another of my revenue enhancement measures foiled.

On Friday at 3:30 the crew hopped on the shuttle bus to head to the wedding.  This was the American version, as the original was celebrated in Belgium a few months ago.  This ceremony, a Cherokee rite, was headed by the groom’s grandmother, who was present, and her brother, a tribe elder who joined remotely from Oklahoma.  It was a heartwarming event as well as a cultural education.

Afterward, the celebration kicked into high gear, with signature mojitos, champagne and other beverages flowing freely.  The well poised sisters of the bride, the best man and the groom’s mom gave touching speeches.  Then the Belgian and his wife did a humorous back and forth during their tribute.  I plan to hire them when my wife and I renew our vows.

The music kicked off with my theme song, SexyBack.  I did a little dancing but didn’t have as much pep as the last wedding, but that was made up for by the bow-tied Belgian, who was relentlessly cutting a rug with anybody within arm’s length.

There was more fun to be had on Saturday.  We ferried back to Seattle and met up with The Hoteliers for a toothsome lunch at the Oddfellows Café.  We had to show proof of vax to get in, and we were all for it.  We got seated in this cool courtyard, which we had all to ourselves

We then went to Optimism Brewing to try out several of their selections.  They were all good but the last one I tried, a stout, topped my list.  After that, it was a hug-o-rama as the Hoteliers headed off to the airport.  We then checked into the Marriot, where got to take advantage of TCG and Katie’s friends and family discount, courtesy of their older son’s significant other.  We joined the TCGs at Anthony’s Pier 66 for dinner, which was very good.  We had considered treating them for the hotel discount, but the ROI didn’t warrant it.

We’re all back home now so it is time to discuss celebrity news.  Madonna, always classy, was showing off her 60-something butt at the VMAs.  But the big news was the loathsome Met Gala, as the outfits become more bizarre every year.  Kim K. was sheathed head to toe, Lil Nas X had a triptych ensemble, and Naomi Osaka sported a special view-blocking hairdo. What a collection of chuckleheads!  Oh, and conservative radio show hosts continue to drop like flies.

To close, you can peruse the idiotic tweet from Nicki Minaj and the amusing responses on this thread.  I’ll let the HuffPo have the last word.

https://twitter.com/NICKIMINAJ/status/1437532566945341441

Ciao Sorella

My sister has flown off to her new East Coast adventure.  She and her fat cat Willie took a redeye to Newark.  Willie got the appropriate amount of cat tranquilizer, which made the flight far easier.  I understand that cat tranquilizer is being proposed in some circles as a COVID cure.  Who knew?

So Sis will be hanging with a bud in CT for a few weeks while she awaits her furniture to arrive at her new Westchester digs.  I’ve made a note on my calendar for February to check in with her regarding the weather.  And when she gets settled, we can resume our options trading routine.  I plan to get a little more serious now and will be buying a dart board to pick the winners.

In celeb news, Mo’Nique has been showing off her slimed down figure, which reminded me of that Nickelodeon show Double Dare, in which the kids get hit with green slime.

I’ve mentioned Magary’s WYTS series a few times recently.  He’s hilarious but the fans that comment are almost as funny.  The Bills are up now and here’s a few fan comments.

"When people tell me they’re taking their kids to a Bills game, I contemplate calling Child Protective Services."

"Most of Bills Mafia is a pack of barely-made-it-out-of-high-school mediocrities who spend eighty percent of their income on season tickets to games that they’re too drunk and concussed to remember. They all live in the frozen wasteland between the city of Buffalo and the Pennsylvania state line, flying Trump flags outside of their shanties and sleeping with a gun next to the bed in case Antifa shows up one night to steal the tractor."

"August 2022: Cole Beasley is the governor of breakaway Upstate New York. The seceded state’s flag is a silhouette of a mullet. Bills change logo to a vaccine card with “HIPPA” misspelled in crayon. Terry and Kim Pegula move the team to Florida, where they have been bunkered since refusing to issue refunds to fans for home games forfeited after Bills’ locker room unvax’d COVID outbreak. At the same time they’re paying four fired Sabres head coaches. We deserve every bit of it."

The NFL season kicks off Thursday and The Spiral of the Ancient Quarterback will crush the Cowboys.  Here are the picks from my pool for week 1.  Empty your savings account and head to Vegas.  Hugs!

TB Jax LAC Sea Car Cin Ten SF Buf Atl KC GB NYG Mia LAR Bal

Email Notification??!!

What a concept!  Didn’t I use that term in my last blog?  Well, if you are looking for originality, you stopped coming here a long time ago.  In any case, I have implemented email notification for new posts, so we’ll see if it works.  It only took me 15 years to set it up. The system allows me to send it to ten people.  I was going to leave off readers like Wolv, Wig, and #1 since they check it regularly anyway, but then I said to myself, “How can I leave my most loyal readers out of this technological advance?”  It wouldn’t be right.

The Monica Lewinsky story is coming to TV, and I plan to miss it.  I saw a recent Yahoo headline that asked the incisive question, “Where Is Linda Tripp Now?”  For those of you that don’t keep up with these things, she’s been pushing up daisies since last year.  My wife and I would rather tune into The Blacklist on Netflix.  The plots are totally unbelievable, but they keep our mind off our first world problems, which are legion, such as arguments about whose responsibility it is to turn off the outdoor heaters and for me, ear hair maintenance.  I knew heating the outside of our house was going to lead to problems.  Regardless, we’re inquiring about outdoor air conditioning.

Olivia Jade will be on season 30 of DWTS.  Who the hell is Olivia Jade?, you ask.  She’s a 21-year-old beauty influencer, my old job.  DWTS has added a new twist this year though.  If she gets eliminated within the first two rounds, her parents have to go back to the slam.

The dipshit formerly known as the Q Shaman has agreed to a plea deal for a 41 to 51 month stretch in the pen. I hope he has access to his preferred organic diet where he is headed. I had read previously that he was “wounded and disappointed” that he had not received a pardon from Trump.  These people have nary a clue. At least he’s getting an appropriate sentence as opposed to the wrist slaps some of his comrades have received.

Hey, I actually read a book recently.  It was Bridge of Sighs by Richard Russo.  The Wig had recommended it to me.  He also wrote Empire Falls, which was turned into a movie.  I started watching it and will have to get back to it.  Bridge of Sighs takes place in upstate NY, where I used to roam free range. And I got another book out of the library yesterday, Baker’s Dozen by Michael M. Thomas.  I had read Thomas’ recent obit in the NYT and his work sounded interesting.

SOS

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/abba-releases-new-music_n_61310aa4e4b04778c0021128

Horse Paste

The headline reads "Rand Paul Claims 'Hatred for Trump' Hindering Research Into Ivermectin as COVID Treatment".  I’m not denying the Trump hatred, but if the shit for brains Republicans want to shit their brains out, have at the horse meds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixf-tXN2ux0

Meanwhile that weenie Madison Cawthorn is talking about bloodshed in regard to “rigged” elections that even Ron Johnson knows were free and fair.  And Kevin McCarthy is threatening the telecoms about releasing 1/6 data.  Step back Kev.  I did not devote 33 years of my life to the telecom industry to listen to that shit.

Football season is almost upon us.  Did any of you chuckleheads check out Drew Magary’s “Why Your Team Sucks” series?  I need to know.  Kick in for a month’s subscription of defector.com.  You’ll thank me.

Cam Newton just got released.  I think he should take the money and call it a career.  And the Jags traded Gardner Minshew to Philly for a sixth-round pick and a used Mr. Coffee machine.  What the hell happened to Minshewmania?  And a while back I saw an article stating that Michael Thomas and the Saints are working on their issues and not a trade.  My wife says the same thing, except that a trade is possible.

SF has decided to pay people to not shoot others.  What a concept.  A wise guy in the comments asked if he could have the money if he stabbed somebody.

https://sfist.com/2021/08/30/sf-will-begin-paying-people-to-not-shoot-other-people/

So, what has DJ been up to since his last distant post?  All sorts of fun stuff.  We flew to DC to meet up with the kids and do some tourist stuff.  The Korean War memorial was closed.  I had seen it once and wanted to go again.  I recall the statues having an eerie effect.  We did visit the Vietnam and WWII memorials, as well as the Lincoln and FDR. We posed as downtrodden Depression era food line recipients, copying the #1s from years ago. Our last night featured a multi-course meal at Nina May.  Thumbs up.

We then headed up to Stone Harbor, NJ to spend quality time with the in-laws.  The weather was great for the most part and I rode the waves as best I could one day.  We carried on our tradition of pre-dinner cocktails out on the deck.  One evening we went down to the beach to spread some of Nick’s ashes in the Atlantic.  My boy loved the ocean. It was a somber and touching moment.

The last leg of our trip was Richmond, home of The Wigs.  Dr. Joe and wife came up from NC, so we had another of our Binghamton boy reunions.  The Wig went to one of his favorite brew pubs to get several selections.  One came in a wine bottle, and another was like a fruit smoothie.  Just gimme a freakin’ IPA Wig.  We got a tour of a home across the street that he recently purchased and will be renovating.  We also saw the fenced in statue of Robert E. Lee, which will be the last of the Confederates to come down on Monument Ave. As always, the hospitality at The Wig Palace was top notch.

The week we got back we had a beer can chicken fest at our house with #1 and Barbie, TCG and Katie, and #2.  The latter three had left their Tahoe abodes to get away from the smoke. Unfortunately, the fires are still going so we may see them back down here soon.  My bud The UK is also keeping tabs on the situation in Kirkwood.  I’m praying for a super rainy winter.

This past weekend we were treated to a fantastic Napa experience at the new second home of The Banker and Tina along with another FC couple. The first night we dined out at Michael Chiarello’s Bottega in Yountville.  That was some seriously good chow. I was introduced to liar’s dice later that night.  I was getting the hang of it but finally had to rack out around 11:30. I think the rest of the crew stayed up for a while longer.  The next day’s highlight was wine tasting at Sodaro.  Our host was a knowledgeable and gracious young man who grew up in Napa.  My review of the wines was “far superior to the swill I usually drink”.  We all bought bottles to take home.

That evening we had an outdoor dinner at their local restaurant.  The Banker’s boss and wife joined us.  I learned that he had played football at UC Davis, along with The Jet’s Ken O’Brien. I told him I played basketball for my high school JV team.  I was charged with picking the wine for the evening.  I eschewed the several $1700 bottles on the list and settled for the Ridge Paso Zin.  That selection was unavailable, so they gave me a discount on the Ridge Lytton Springs.  I jumped on it.

We said our goodbyes the next morning to head back to our mundane FC existence.  Molto grazie amici!!