My Hood

I have to keep this brief because a buddy is holding my place in the iPhone line.

I'm thinking of moving.

I came home today with my wife and there was a flock of zealots right in front of my house. I'm not sure if they were Jehovah's Witnesses or some other variety, but I didn't want to chance an encounter, so I went to park a house up. After they moved along, I made a couple u-turns to get back in front of my house. Unfortunately there were still two lingering in my doorway. Tricky bastards. I sat out front, averting eye contact, wondering what to do next, with the wife cackling at my indecision. I then pulled away and drove around the block. When I came back, they had made their way up the street. A deep sense of relief came over me.

Earlier this week, we were driving up our street. There was an older couple walking Fifi. The man was standing aside with a bag of dog doody. His missus was stooped over, wiping the dog's butt. Puhleeeeze!!

Be grateful you don't live in my neighborhood.

Maui

The SLA weighs heavily upon me as I sit here today. #1 has been checking the blog on a daily basis, awaiting output as though I were some sort of a factory. I'm a human being, damn it! The virtual breathing down my neck is based on the fact that I spent last week with him and our families in Maui. He thinks this post is going to be all about him, a hagiography of sorts. That's not going to happen.

So things started out well. The cabbie showed up about fifteen minutes early and my daughter had not gotten home from one of the many standardized tests she's taking these days. We got the vehicle loaded up and she got home in a timely manner. As the driver was turning around, he managed to drive into the curb, but fortunately the tire remained inflated. I got taken for an extra sawbuck because it was a mini-van. That's the last time I'm calling that cab company.

We were a little overweight on the bags at check in so we took out a few of the many books I didn't read on vacation. However, we were still about four pounds over so my wife pulled out the special needs card. "But we have to have all his toys in there" or something to that effect. We do all our toy shopping at Down Syndrome Cast Iron Toys Inc.

The #1s stayed at The Westin in Kaanapali and we were in a nearby condo. We made a Safeway stop on the way there, forgetting that the rental car was already practically full. We all drove out of there with stuff on our lap but we had all the makings of a fine vacation, as well as some food. Dinner that first night was at the Hula Grill. They had made a reservation for four for their family but the wife and I snaked in at the last minute and sent their kids away with ours. With copious cash of course. Pretty good chow there and we made a return visit later in the trip.

The entire crew hit several different beaches on the island and experienced some fantastic snorkeling. We also had an excursion to Molokini, which according to Wikipedia, is a "crescent-shaped, partially submerged volcanic crater". I popped a Dramamine for the ride out so I was not at the top of my game, but enjoyed it nonetheless. Not as much as #1 though, who had a couple beers for breakfast. We saw lots of brightly colored fish and I even espied an eel, or unagi as I like to call them. On the way in we got to view several sea turtles.

One of the trip highlights was a zip line extravaganza. I'm not crazy about heights but I came out relatively unscathed. There was a total of 11 on our tour, including a family of four from Sacramento. I was hanging on for dear life the first couple times around but the guide told me to chill, and I did. We traversed a total of eight lines. #1's SB2 was a natural at it. I'll take lessons from him next time around.

My bud TK was in the area a while back for his 25th anniversary and he steered me to Aloha Mixed Plate, which was a fine recommendation. I had my first and second Mai Tais there. The combo of outside dining, a solid happy hour and good food and service brought us back there as well. But the big adults only dinner was at Mama's Fish House. We planned it just right to catch the sunset. When we arrived there was a wedding party taking pictures by the sea and we followed in their footsteps before heading to the bar, where #1 and I got a Grey Goose martini. The bartender pulled out a little bottle and sprayed each of them. I was wondering if this was a special Binaca martini but then realized he used this little vermouth spray to make it extra dry. #1 and I like our martinis desiccated. The guy gave us a hell of a pour. I found out why when we got the bill. $18 a piece! Holy crap. I thought I was getting clipped when I paid $13 at the Ghost Bar in Vegas. I'll stop whining now to let you know that the dinner was outstanding.

One day the wife and I had SB2 out at the beach and the waves were getting a little rough. We were having quite a bit of fun and I was rolling around, letting them hit me and not making too much of an effort to get up. Before I knew it a couple guys were trying to help me up. I was then sternly told, by a not particularly athletic looking middle aged woman, that this was a dangerous beach and that she had seen people die here. Which begs the question, "What the hell are you doing here?" But I figured her intentions were good so I kept my mouth shut.

We wrapped things up Saturday. The #1s had to be out of their room by 11 so they spent the rest of the day at our place. We managed to finish off most of the food but the cleaning lady got a gift of partial bottles of Ketel One and Tanqueray. We headed out in the late afternoon and had our last Maui meal together at Paia Fish Market. I had a lot of really good fish on this trip but I think the piece I had here was the best. I looked on in envy as #1 had a pint but he could rely on a snooze in his first class seat. My family flies economy. We all made back to the Bay Area early Sunday morning. We'll be doing it again.

Ga?!

What the hell is this, an H.R. Pufnstuf character?

Going Global

I got a hit from Slovenia this week. The Hotelier has helped me expand my audience. I already have an international readership but every little bit helps.

For those of you that religiously follow my FB page, you're well aware that I take SB2 to the natatorium regularly for some quality time and exercise. He needs to be watched pretty closely as he likes to reach out and pinch the smaller swimmers. There's no malice aforethought. Its just his way of saying, "How the heck are ya?" We were there Monday and I was tracking him pretty closely. There was a bunch of kick boards and other junk some knuckleheads left floating about, so I grabbed it and put it on the side of the pool. As soon as I turned around the theme from Jaws started playing loudly in my head as I saw him heading directly for some eight year old. Another couple feet and there would have been trouble.

Now for a word about ass gaskets. You know what I'm referring to, those circular tissues you find in some restrooms to cover the toilet seat. The ones at work say "provided by the management for your protection". While I am verklempt that the senior leadership team cares so much about my hiney, I don't use them. I just usually slather on a pint or so of Purell before I ascend the throne. Now the reason I bring this up is I was sequestered earlier this week and my stall mate started prepping his seat. He pulled out one gasket, then a couple more. At one point I got the feeling he was building a fort. I should have just slid him my economy size bottle of Purell.

Aloha peeps