The Reviews Are In

 for my Xmas letter and they are all raves, as usual.  The East Coast contingent has probably not received theirs yet, but I know that they are all the patient sort.  Here’s a sampling of the input so far.

“Best Christmas letter ever!”

“Were you high when you wrote it?”

“Yes, Matt needs a shave.”

I went for my swim this morning.  The car thermometer said it was 48 degrees.  I said I’m a tough SOB and I was not going to let that stop me.  A gentleman joined me in my lane at one point and did not seem to be in a particular rush to get out.  He did get a slight swipe from my backstroke before I could engage him in conversation.  My thoughts of “get the f#$% out of my lane” translated to a diplomatic plea for him to give me a heads up before he enters my lane.  I realized he was there on his way to his own lane, but it is my fervent hope that he waits until I am at the other end of the pool before he tries that again.

We are having great deal of social activity related to the holidays but are being safe as always.  Unfortunately, we are not yet able to heat the outdoors as there is one final PG&E step to take place, which I expect will have to happen after this week.  We are doing driveway cocktails here tonight nonetheless.  We also plan to see some villagers and their spawn this week and already had a festive Zoom call with the #1s on Sunday. The #1s sent us a cute little gift basket and even included some cat food for Biscotti.  For other villagers reading this, I really like cute little gift baskets.

In the political arena, it looks like Trump and team’s efforts to overturn an election they lost by 7M votes are finally beginning to bear fruit.  Word on the street is that Sidney Powell will be releasing the kraken on Christmas morning, while everyone else is sipping their nog and Bloody Marys and least suspect it.  She will be taking several bong hits and muttering incantations as she does so.  I’m so confident of a second Trump term that I’ve decided to submit some of my cabinet choices for it. My only hold over will be Betsy DeVos, because of her particularly stellar performance.

Secretary of Agriculture: Farmer John

Attorney General: Jeanine Pirro

Secretary of Commerce: Michael J. Lindell

Secretary of Defense: Major Frank Burns

Secretary of Energy: The Ghost of John D. Rockefeller

Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency: Don Blankenship

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Dr. Phil

Secretary of Homeland Security: D.B. Cooper

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Bob the Builder

Secretary of the Interior: Birdman of Alcatraz

Secretary of Labor: Paul Bunyan

Director of the Office of Management and Budget: Martin Shkreli

Director of National Intelligence: Erik Prince

Secretary of State: Javanka

Secretary of Transportation: Vince the Sham Wow guy

Secretary of the Treasury: Vampire Squid

White House Chief of Staff: Taz

My Do Is Done

 I just came back from a haircut and I look fantastic.

It has been a whirlwind of activity in the big FC as of late.  SB1 and his betrothed swept into town last Tuesday, along with their cat Biscotti, and began their quarantine.  The wife and I went over to TCG’s house until Sunday, when they got their negative test results.  TCG’s house used to be really nice, but we managed to trash it, with the help of other villagers.  We held a 60th birthday party there Saturday for Barbie, #1’s wife. She got slightly loopy and destroyed at least one of her gifts.  That is my kind of party.  The Hotelier, always prepared like the Boy Scout he is, provided all guests a bottle of Christmas cheer, a fine Pennsylvania wine called Shitshow, appropriate for 2020.

We had the boy’s call last night and discussed when we are likely to get our vaccine shots.  You can find your place in line via the NYT link below.  TCG is 65 so he gets bumped up.  #2 and I discussed BMI and working it so we could declare ourselves obese.  There are only 31 million people in CA currently ahead of me.  #1 had to drop off the call early because he pretended he had an important work call with Asia Pacific.  We also had a call last week, wherein the boy’s surprised me with a retirement gift, a sous vide cooker.  Several of them own one, and decided I was a pretentious enough foodie that I should have one too.  I plan to inaugurate it when the girl comes home next week.  I’ll be featuring a pork loin.  My wife says it comes out too dry when I BBQ it, to which I’m thinking, but not saying, “tough shit”.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/12/03/opinion/covid-19-vaccine-timeline.html

The Wigs departed the bay on 12/1, and quite frankly, I have not been the same since.  We spent their last full day up in Sonoma.  They treated us to a wine tasting and lunch at the Hamel Family winery for my retirement.  This is something that most of my dear readers are not familiar with, a classy event.  We got a tour of the facilities before we settled into our private room for the four-course meal and wine pairing.  I am pretty sure this is the first time I ever ate duck.  The Wigs also bought me one of their wines.  I tried to go for something under three figures, but they chastised me, so I went for the big bucks stuff. 

https://www.hamelfamilywines.com/

It appears that all our electrical work is done.  There is a PG&E inspection tomorrow and then we can cover up the moat.  I got cute and bought some little plastic alligators and put them in various strategic spots.  I know, I’m too funny.

The news says that Trump is depressed and not working much, but he certainly seems busy stirring up shit with several governors and legislatures in an attempt to overturn the will of the American people.  The Rudy and Jenna super-duper law duo now have the rona and continue to get their hats handed to them in court.  Meanwhile, fascist cosplayers, armed with guns but not brains, surrounded the home of Michigan’s secretary of state and the  majority of Republicans will not concede that Biden won.  There are plenty of articles detailing why this crap exists, e.g., “rising anxiety over declining social status”, but as far as I’m concerned, crazy is crazy.

OK, let’s all take a deep breath and look at this cute picture of Biscotti.