DJ's Detritus

A Creative Writing Class Dropout's Last Refuge

Saturday, January 13, 2018

The Wisdom of LaVar Ball

Just kidding

I just alerted my pal The Wig that one of his favorites, Jason Isbell, is on Austin City Limits tonight. This is one of the things that friends do for friends.  I figured he deserved it since he let me and wifey stay at his Key West manse to ring in the New Year.  We all went down to Duval St. to see Sushi drop.  You can read about it at the link below.  I wouldn’t want you to do have to do your own research.

I am still trying to figure out how I have managed to stay in the good graces of The Wig for close to forty years, but he and his wife are undoubtedly fine hosts.  We hit some of the top dining spots in town, such as Amigos, home of the square taco.  I like my tacos round, but I did not make a stink.  We had a tasty but expensive NYE meal at another joint, but I can’t remember the name.  They get you with the prix fixe on NYE, but the bar gave a good pour.  They served half of the martinis in a mini-carafe on ice.  Capellini in San Mateo used to do the same thing.  I need to invest in those.

We had a couple sunny days in Key West but were then met by a cold front that brought wind and rain as well as temps in the high 50s.  This is while most of the East Coast was facing bombogenesis.  I wish I had paid attention in science class.

I have not spoken much of my academic career, which is checkered at best.  However, I did manage to skip third grade after a few months.  The nuns called the house to tell my parents.  They thought they wanted to skip my older brother.  O ye of little faith.  In any case, the nuns made it clear that it was me they wanted to skip.  I still remember exactly what was said: “Your son is a very stable genius”.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Ciao 2017

I’ve gotten some hits from Grand Haven, MI, where #1 is spending a snowy Christmas with family. Several have come in from Key West also, which is the winter home of The Wigs, whom we’ll be giddily joining on Saturday.  I decided I better slap something up, so I don’t piss them off and lose 50% of my readership.  I saw cute pictures of both families on FB.  Wig’s SB2 was holding Franklin, which you will recall I am looking forward to having crap on my floor some time in 2018.
We had quite the Christmas Eve blow out here at the mansion on Gull. It was The Exec’s birthday and there was a total of 19 villagers in attendance.  My wife was able to configure our two high end cafeteria tables into a beautiful setting for the event. Everyone brought a lasagna, as we had abandoned the Seven Fishes theme due to the complicated nature of it without our Dear Leader, aka #1.  My daughter organized a “Secret Santa” event in which we all read a poem or some other tribute to one of the attendees.  I particularly liked The Exec’s puppet show.
It is great to have the family together again.  We had SB2 home for Christmas Day and he ate at the table with us, as opposed to balking and insisting that he get his perch on the patio.  He also opened presents with us.  My wife was almost brought to tears by the Hillsdale Mall gift card I got her.  My in-laws got me some premium wine which I do not deserve.  All were quite pleased with their haul.  Later we watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. I think this is the beginning of a family tradition of watching dark comedies with mild violence on Xmas day.
But the family get togethers are not without their drawbacks.  SB1 has been having a bit of an allergic reaction since he got home.  My wife thought it might have something to do with the furnace we’ve been running during this extended cold front.  She wanted me to change the filter in the furnace, which is now up in the crawl space since the remodel.  Although I appreciate her confidence in me as an HVAC professional, I had to tell her I didn’t happen to have a spare furnace filter around. 
Last night we had dinner at Donato Enoteca in Redwood City.  We had a good meal, although my agnolotti were a tad salty.  We enjoyed a cocktail first, with my daughter choosing the Sloe Gin and Tonic.  This gave me an opportunity to regale the kids with a story from my youth.  A high school classmate, one of the first to hit the then legal drinking age of 18, had a goal – I admire people with goals – to drink 18 sloe gin fizzes.  He did not make it as he puked #13 up on the bar.  The appetizers arrived just as I wrapped up my tale.
We also discussed 2018 travel plans during the meal.  My wife was trying to figure out how we could get to see SB1 before next year’s end.  I was going to ask if she was referring to the same person that had been annoying her the entire car ride down to the restaurant, but I decided to withhold comment on that.  I did however remind her we have a two-week Asia trip in July and that I am not made of money.  She also made a remark about my memory, which is apparently good, but only for numbers.  This from a woman that asked my kids about 7 times if they wished The Exec a happy birthday at the party.
I will wrap with those bastards, aka The Republicans, who managed to pull off their tax heist.  This left us Paul Ryan grinning like an idiot.  Charles Pierce of Esquire refers to him as a “granny starver”, an apt description.  I recommend Pierce’s work.

Happy New Year folks.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

F@#$ You Roy

And the horse you rode in on.  I’m stoked that we have a Democratic senator from Alabama today.  But you have to take the bitter with the sweet.  I think I speak for all of us when I say I am sad to see Omarosa go.
My heart is warm but the rest of me is freezing.  The house has been like an icebox for a week.  Being a tightwad, I hate to turn the heat on, but you gotta keep it above 60 indoors.
I’ve made my plans for Harry and Meghan’s wedding.  My plus one will be The Wig’s brother, aka Mike the Running Beast.  I already told him the topic of Kate’s baby weight is out of bounds.
I’m getting a new cell phone number.  I can’t publish it here, or it will never stop ringing, but if you are one of the cherished many, you’ll be getting an email with my new digits
I caught this headline today.  I’m anticipating nightmares.
Last but not least, I present you with my first tat.

Friday, December 08, 2017

Joy to The World

The Christmas letter is done.  If you’re lucky, you’ll get a copy in the snail mail within a couple weeks.  The wife and I must fight about font, print art etc. for a while.  The kids are vehemently opposed to what I said about them, but I don’t give a shit. Happy Holidays.
Does anyone else look forward to getting junk mail that they can turn into scrap paper?
We spent Thanksgiving over at TCG’s house along with the Execs and their offspring.  Our kids stayed put but will be home for Xmas.  The TCGs put on quite a spread and we watched a lot of football. I am now tied for 15th in my pool and am resigned to finishing out of the money.

I was driving to the paradise that is Milpitas - to show my face in the office at least once in December -  when I passed a pickup truck on 101 that said on the back “God Is Not Dead”.  He may very well not be pal, but your taillights are.

Did you see what that ninny Chuck Grassley said about people spending their money on women and booze.  I am not fond of being governed by condescending plutocrats.  Hopefully the House can sink that damn tax bill.  I see Paul Ryan wants to go after Social Security and Medicare in 2018.  I cannot figure out what the hell is wrong with that guy and all his cohorts.  Do they revel in the thought of people crawling off to the woods to die?

Yo #1, I got What’s App so I ring you up soon.

OK folks, that’s it.  I’m off to the Waffle House to cook my own breakfast.  

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving '17

I am truly grateful for many things in this life, but today I am grateful that I never had to see a dick pic of this guy.

Thursday, November 16, 2017


I know you have been hankering for a post for more than a fortnight, so I have decided to deliver.

I was off to the posh club this morning as usual, although the rain was coming down.  This did not deter the fearless swimmer in me.  As I was about to head to the outdoor pool, the lifeguard informed me it was closed until 4pm because they had to shock it.  I told him I was shocked and asked him quite forthrightly, “Was management unaware I planned to swim this morning?” The indoor pool was crowded with the usual bloc of superannuated citizens, so I had to settle for a soak, shave and shower.

This picture showed up yesterday and they were appropriately shredded on Twitter.  Lots of articles but this was the best title: "Louise Linton Clearly Wants America to Hate Her as Much as Possible"

Trumpy has not had anything to say about Roy Moore since he got back from his fantastically successful Asia trip, but he did allow the import of African elephant trophies and had a chance to bask in the gratitude of some larcenous UCLA hoops players.  MAGA

What else do you want?  Kim Kardashian news?  Of course!  Word on the street is that she did not invite the surrogate to her baby shower.  She should not feel bad.  We did the same thing. Regarding Kim’s perfume line, it grossed $10M in a day.  I’m sure that is all going to charity.  And we learned that her Paris robbery influenced the new Crystal Gardenia fragrance collection.  I wanted to take a deep dive but all articles left me wanting. I surmise it smells like crapped pants.

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

All Saints Day Special

I reminded my pal 4M that it was a holy day of obligation and even found a church in San Jose that had an evening mass.  He said the World Series takes precedence.  He's going to hell.

I gotta know!  Are Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez an item again?  I was sad to see that she and The Weeknd broke up.  She apparently stole one of his jackets on the way out the door.  A remembrance perhaps.

The Browns and The Niners are both 0-8 but are going in different directions.  The Niners just picked up what may be their franchise quarterback, and heck is he handsome.  The Browns failed to finalize their trade for AJ McCarron because they were celebrating it.  Incompetence writ large.  I picked the Niners to get their first win Sunday, although I’ve slid to a tie for 9th place in my pool.

The Wig’s SB2 just bought himself a dachshund and named him Franklin.  I think the kid was a history major.  As long as he didn’t name him Donald, I’m cool.  As I mentioned previously, he will be coming back to the Bay Area next year.  This will give me an opportunity to dog sit Franklin.  I’m looking forward to it since no one has taken a shit on my carpet in years.

The headline of the day states that Trump is apoplectic and allies fear impeachment.  Sounds good to me.  I also read they were prepping him for his Asia trip but giving it to him in small doses.  I think the same reasoning applies as to why they only do half days for kindergarten.  And the official White House portrait is out.