Haircut 100, Billboard 200, Post 300

That's correct, this is my 300th post. In celebration of that milestone, many people have the day off today. But I'm not here just to gloat about my prolificacy. I'm here to gloat about the fact that I am on the verge of 25,000 hits. With that kind of track record in under a five year span, there's only one word that comes to mind: MONETIZE.

I'd also like to discuss Sonny Boy 2's nocturnal wanderings. He often bursts into our room in the middle of the night, in nothing but a t-shirt. We take him to the bathroom, put his clothes back on, and put him back to bed. That's usually the extent of it. But this past Thursday night/Friday morning, he had other ideas. I had gotten up with him twice already and the third time was the charm. As I went to get him back in bed, I couldn't find his diaper and pajama bottoms. Now if SB2 could talk, he would have said, "Oh Dad, they're out in the kitchen. And by the way, I decided to piss all over the floor while I was out there." So after I mopped that up, I put him back in the sack. A short while later, he popped up again. That's when I told my wife it was her turn.

It's a good thing the SLA got extended. My old pal JB is back on the email machine after an extended absence. I'll have to devote a significant amount of time responding to her 20 daily emails.

Why am I wasting time writing this crap when I have a deadline looming with my paid writing gig?

Old Habits Die Hard

Although the Detritus Board met recently and granted me the 10 day SLA, I still feel as though I should have posted by yesterday. I guess that is but one of the many things that makes me a solid citizen. Speaking of the DB, I had a lengthy email exchange with them today. There's no other way to put it. Those guys are schmucks.

I stopped by The UK's place yesterday to pick up one of his Macs. I was a little apprehensive because his neighborhood is dicey. Since The UK lives up to his name, the schools my wife works at have now received four computers due to his generosity. The UK and I went up to one of them to read to the classes last year. We covered passages of Hop on Pop, Green Eggs and Ham, and War and Peace.

I got a cryptic email from The Wig yesterday, about awaiting a rebuttal, but he didn't say anything else. Nor did he leave a comment here or at my other writing gig. However this is far from the first time I've not known what the hell he was talking about. I called him a couple times today but he's screening my calls.

Serious Business

I wanted to let everyone know that I will soon be calling a meeting of the board of directors of this blog. The main topic will be possible relief on the SLA. I plan to ask for an extension from 7 to 10 days. I'm confident this will be granted, as the chairman of the bored, #1, explained to me today that no one reads this anyway. The reason is that, due to my overwhelming popularity, my other writing gig has asked me to write my column weekly, as opposed to every other week. I simply cannot let down that fan base. You can infer from that where you clowns stand.

Regarding my last post, I want to make clear that I have no intention of giving my wonderful sister short shrift. While my brother and I get along famously, almost as well as Oasis' Gallagher brothers, my little sis holds a special place in my heart. She's responsible for the last migration of my nuclear family to California. Once she hit SF, my parents pulled up stakes and followed shortly thereafter. Who the hell wants to slosh through sleet and dirty snow as they approach their 70s anyway, except ski freaks like The UK.

Little sis is a good looking 40 something former jock that has always been very generous with family. If the kids have a school fund raiser, she's first on the call list. Before SB1 headed off for his freshman year of college, she came by and slipped him a wad of cash. This munificent gesture was in no way diminished by the fact that I told the kid to hand it over as soon as she left.

Fratelli

I got a comment on my last post but it wasn't what I expected. I thought someone was going to tell me how lame it was. I was willing to accept that since I was in desperate straits, a few hours short of missing the SLA. But at times I do feel the need to keep my readership apprised of what is going on in the celebrity world. In fact, Taylor and Jake are no more but it looks like Sandra and Ryan are an item. I can never figure out how two pretty people with all the dough and none of the cares in the world can't make it work. Back in the mid 80s, my wife and I made it happen, and my most valuable asset at that time was a Muni fast pass. She knew a winner when she saw one.

So the recent comment, from an anonymous source, told me to write more about my brother. I do have a few things to say about my ageless role model. I've already mentioned some shared experiences, like bathing together as children, him inducing me to create havoc by kicking over a lamp, and the boxing gloves episode. But I hold no grudges. We stuck together through the years. He followed me to Binghamton and I followed him to San Francisco. He's a great brother and I will continue to think that until I have some more recovered memories. I'd also like to mention that he is one of the finest legal minds on his block.

Did anybody else mist up watching the new Speaker of the House being sworn in? I mean besides me an Boehner. I got emotional because of how far this country has come. After all, he is our first orange Speaker of the House. You can thank Letterman's writers for that one.

One of my pet peeves is people saying stupid shit and instead of saying "I said something stupid and I apologize", they dress it up and say they "misspoke". Merriam-Webster is telling me the first instance of the term "misspeak" is from the 14th century. I'm not buying it and will do extensive research on my own, perhaps in 2012. A recent instance of this is Tucker Carlson saying he "overspoke" when he said Michael Vick should have been executed for his crimes. Overspoke? I can't find that one in Websters. Here's another example, straight from Jason Linkin's Sunday chat show liveblog:

"Here's Darrel Issa, to Face this Nation. Smith brings up the time he told Rush Limbaugh that Obama was one of the "most corrupt administrations" in history, and Issa immediately says, "But I walked that back!" And that is where we are today, in 2011: we are no longer responsible for our words, as long as we can point to a time where we "walked it back." You know, someone should really hit Darrel Issa across the face with a burlap sack of used heroin needles. I really believe that, enough to say publicly! BUT NOW I AM GOING TO WALK THAT BACK: Darrel Issa is awesome!"

In TV news, Sarah Palin's Alaska is not coming back but Mad Men is. Things are looking up.

Dash

I caught two items about Kim Kardashian in the news recently. The first one was that she is now sporting cornrows. I care deeply about that but I sense that most Americans don't. Kim has also released her first single. Remember the days when you needed to have a voice to be able to do that. Granted, it was a long time ago, before Sonny and Cher. These news flashes lead me to believe that, although the country is struggling with unemployment, there is overemployment in the entertainment media field.