Peyton Place

I stole that title from some column I was reading. But one I read yesterday was interesting. Here's what famous Christian Pat Robertson had to say:

"And you just ask yourself, OK, so Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback, but he's been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback. And in my opinion, it would serve them right."

The writer said that "The televangelist was speaking recently on The 700 Club, which is apparently still on television." Good burn bro!!

My take, which I've shared with anybody that would listen to me prattle on, is that Peyton should have retired. But since he has decided to continue his career, I wish him the best of luck and hope he does not get re-injured. And I have not gone to church regularly for years

Kim Kardashian got flour bombed the other day. Why don't we just ignore her. Good idea DJ. I won't mention her again in this blog unless I'm desperate for an item.

Exploitative Marketing 101

Who was the whiz kid that came up with the idea of using the homeless as wi fi hot spots?

http://gawker.com/5892662

However, I am cool with Brooklyn Decker providing TV reception to beach goers.

Happy Pi Day

The madness begins. After I publish this latest masterpiece, I'm going to go watch the tape delayed Cal game so I can burn through the commercials.

I talked to my bud The Wig last night. He stated that my recent posts were not sitcom material. Given the dismal state of sitcoms, he basically said I was stinking up the joint. Its too bad I now have to cancel that May visit. At least his wife caught up on my recent posts, which is more that I can say for my FCMC crew, except my loyal royal #1, the king of neighborhood #1

Since I'm not funny, I'd like to at least give you a little chuckle, so below are a couple quotes regarding the national horse race from Jason Linkins' most recent Sunday column.

"Gingrich LOLs that McCain was the guy who won the nomination early and then lost to a socialist Muslim, ha ha, suck it old man! He also says that Santorum is terrible on the issues and that he is both better at being conservative and better at being a person with vision. Gingrich can talk to the animals, for instance, and he can literally discern the music of the celestial spheres. Currently, the celestial spheres are singing "Cars With The Boom" by L'Trimm, because the universe is recalling a time when the price of gas was lower."

"He notes that Romney is using humor more, despite the fact that he is unequivocally bad at humor. Bayh thinks that Romney needs to relax and "be the authentic Mitt Romney." What if the "authentic Mitt Romney" is a guy who likes to wear pajamas all day and play with model trains, though?"

Yesterday, I'm driving home on 101 and I see someone who looks like they are not paying much attention, not letting people merge etc. I figure somebody has a text they gotta send. But as I get closer I see its a lady eating a burger. Not only that, she's squeezing ketchup out of one of those little packets. Might as well send a text.

In celebrity news, Charlize Theron has decided to accessorize. She adopted a kid.

So

Were you expecting a post yesterday? What am I, a machine?

I caught this headline on Google News

Trump: Peyton should go to Miami

DJ says Trump should shut the hell up and mind his own business. And Peyton ought to retire so he can still walk when he's my age.

Via a Maxim interview, the world now knows what Jennifer Love Hewitt's favorite body part is. Here's a quote from the brilliant actress.

"It's horrible to say, but I like my boobs. They've always served me well. They're good."

Yes, Jennifer, it is horrible to say. So why don't you join The Donald and put a lid on it.

Day 10 / Post 356

This is my tenth daily post in a row. I didn't think I had it in me. Actually I don't. Half of this crap is ghostwritten. My ghost's name is Casper.

This is also post 356. I kicked this thing off on March 1, 2006, so a belated happy 6th birthday to my blog.

I got 35 hits so far today, although a bunch of them were repeat performances from The Wolv. I guess he does know how to use a browser, unless his kids are helping him out.

So will there be a day 11? We shall see, although I'm obviously running out of gas. Whaddya expect people?! I'm just a broke down, beat up blogger.

Ain't Got Much

I hope you all had a Super Tuesday.

I hear Joe the Plumber is running for Congress. After November he can go back to uplugging drains.

I was taking a little walk to get some fresh air at work today. I hear some guy saying "on your left" a couple times. Then a guy on a unicycle passed me. Just another day in the valley.

At The Y

I used to go to the Y when I was a kid. Remind me to tell you a few stories about those days. But for now you'll have to put up with more recent tales from the posh club.

I was there yesterday for a light workout, which is the only kind I can do. There was a dude who was wiping down the equipment with a fervor I had never seen before. I'm thinking he should invest in a cleanroom suit before he comes to the gym again. He repeated the process with every machine he used. Given Mr. Clean's technique when he actually started exercising, I thought he'd get a better workout and less chance of pulling something if he just scrubbed all the machines in the joint.

After big fun in the weight room, I went down to take a shower. It was a typical day in the men's locker room, except for the clown blow drying his six year old daughter's hair. I really wanted to tell him to catch a clue but I just made sure I was well covered and went on my way.

Numero Dos

It was just a normal Saturday evening at the DJ household We got some primo Thai takeout at Sweet Basil and settled in with a drink to watch Friday's Real Time with Bill Maher. The wife took a short break to check on SB2 at his base in front of the TV in the family room. She quickly sounded the Crap Alarm and I came running. It is tied into the smoke alarm system, but instead of emitting the usual shrill tone, it just sounds a staccato "poop, poop, poop" This goes off every time that SB2 has a little accident. He is schedule trained as far as toileting. We are particularly diligent to ensure that he drops a deuce daily, or at least makes a valiant effort in that regard. But we must have messed up yesterday. And we paid the price. So my wife dragged the rug outside while I hosed the boy off in the shower. Then it was back to Maher as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Scranton, PA Hello!

The new blog strategy is already paying dividends. I got 16 hits from Scranton early this morning and a bunch more from some small SF company. Hopefully the dude or dudette that was reading me while working got at least a small chuckle. Thanks for checking in. I need all the readers I can get. I'm hoping to go viral by 2019.

Dr. Joe is coming for a visit at the end of the month. In reality, he's using my house like a hotel. He's committed to reading the blog before he comes. I told him there will be a quiz. If he passes, he gets free internet access.

Today was a productive day. I got the grocery shopping done and caught up on about a week's worth of Letterman. The best line was "Santorum's campaign slogan: Fear the Sweater Vest"

Holy Cow! Rush apologized. I guess he didn't want to lose any more sponsors.

Poor Rush

Even the Republicans are not backing Rush up this time. And all he did was call a student a "slut" and a "prostitute". That man has a dark heart. I'm expecting the announcement of his fourth divorce in the not too distant future.

Joe Arpaio and his posse is on the case. He said that there is probable cause to believe that Obama's long form birth certificate is a fake. I didn't realize until today that these sort of things were within the jurisdiction of the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office. After he puts the presidential birth certificate issue to rest, his group will be holding a series of historical seminars. The first one is tentatively titled "Was Vlad the Impaler Misunderstood?".

Mitt is on a roll. He just took the Wyoming straw poll. The only problem is that it does not have any impact on who will get the state's 12 delegates. But things are slow in Wyoming this time of year so they wanted to give the folks something to do.

March On

My brother-in-law was in town yesterday so we went up to SF for dinner at Fringale. My sister had introduced me to this SOMA restaurant many years ago. It has since changed hands, formerly being owned by Basque chef Gerald Hirigoyen. Try his Piperade some time. Or try Fringale. The chow is still top notch.

You're probably curious what I had. I can't blame you.

Braised veal short ribs, leeks, polenta cake, turnips, carrots & chanterelle mushroom sauce

My wife had fish, but it was not pretending to be anything other than what it was.

The subject of Lent came up and we talked about the old days, when it was every Friday, not just during Lent, that you had to abstain from meat. I told the story of when my mother mistakenly fed me ground beef on a Friday when I was about five. She realized her mistake after my meal. I asked her what would happen. She said "You're going to hell". Actually she told me I was off the hook since it was her mistake. Mom would never scare her favorite son.

I probably should not have brought up the subject of going to hell during dinner. I had a nightmare last night that my wife had to wake me from. In it, some guy in an old delivery truck with a sliding side door picked me up. He was all smiles until I got in. He then disappeared and a freaky head popped out of the dashboard. As the vehicle started rolling backwards, the head reported that our destination was hell.