Super Friday

U.S. Commerce Secretary / Crypt Keeper Ross stated that the coronavirus will be good for the economy.  Screw that, Wilbur! Bring back the bubonic plague.  A rising pandemic lifts all ships.  And don’t get me started on satanic pregnancies. As Charles Pierce said, everybody in this administration is a ghoul.

I have some stories from my everyday life at the posh club and supermarket.  Would you like to hear them?  Of course, you would.

I had wrapped up my swim yesterday and was in the locker room.  As I went to the shower, there was a guy lathering up with the door wide open.  I have not seen this in all my years there.  Was he an exhibitionist?  Claustrophobe?  Or just plain clueless?  In any case, I hope that was not a come hither look he gave me as I walked by.

I was at Safeway a few weeks ago and I ended up needing assistance from the clerk at the self-check.  This displeased me as I am fiercely independent. She commented that she does not like avocados.  I did not have the heart to tell her I did not care about her personal preferences and was more interested in making the machine work.  She casually told me avocados lock up the machine.  Holy shit!  Should I stop eating them?  Maybe they emit some sort of aura that plays havoc with the register.  Now that Marianne Williamson has dropped her presidential campaign and has some time on her hands, I’ll consult with her on this topic.

Do you remember that line from Seinfeld, “You gotta see the baby”?  Now that we are in the Facebook age, it is “You gotta tag the baby”.  Which is exactly what my bud The Wig did.  The son of one of his childhood friends just had a baby, so he tagged it with my name.  Imagine my surprise.  I alerted him to it, but it ended up I had to be the one to untag the baby.  FB also gave me the opportunity to block Wig, but I felt leniency was in order.

MLK Day

My father shares Dr. King’s actual birthday.  Pops would have been 99 this year, eight years older than MLK.  I know most folks have a holiday today, but it is not a day off for me, The Titan of Telecom, The Bandwidth Bigwig.  However, it looks like my customer is off so it might be a little slow.

The posh club is open, so I was able to start my day off with twelve brisk laps.  And I did some bike work this weekend to keep my trainer as well as my wife happy.  You will see a transformation in 2020, as I plan to hit the weights as well.  Who’s buying that?

I imagine you folks, being sophisticated gourmands, are familiar with that NOLA classic, blackened redfish.  Yesterday my wife riffed on that theme with her blackened cheese enchiladas.  We had the FC fun bunch over to watch the Niners grate the Cheeseheads. I heard that one on the radio.  In addition to the enchiladas, we served up boiled meat tacos.  Now I understand that may not sound terribly appealing but that is essentially what carnitas are.  You take a big old pork shoulder and simmer it in water with a little orange juice and spices for about three hours.  Then you crisp it up in the oven.  It was a hit, but maybe those enchiladas should have been taken out a tad sooner.  Everybody chowed down to their hearts content and went home with a to-go box.  And I still ended up freezing a boatload of carnitas.  Maybe eight pounds was a miscalculation for the crowd of eleven.

It sure looks like El Jefe Naranjo’s legal dream team is coming together.  I read an article about one of the recent additions, entitled "Ken Starr Is America’s Most Poisonous Creep".  And Alan Dershowitz had a little trouble on CNN yesterday explaining his role on the team.  However, he does seem to be on board with the defense strategy that abuse of power is not impeachable.  These assholes will twist themselves in knots to serve someone who’ll crap on them whenever convenient.  It looks like they’re taking their guiding philosophy from the Rudy Giuliani “Truth Isn’t Truth” school.

I missed the SAG Awards but heard there was some Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston interaction and the concomitant Twitter nostalgia.  I know our culture is obsessed with celebrity but I’m also rich and pretty and I’d like some attention.

You Have a Friend in Dream

Or at least that is what I thought.  Dream is an old high school friend.  He does not get much blog ink, but he has been mentioned here a handful of times.  Out of nowhere, he lashed out at me on Facebook, blaming me for Harry and Meghan items in his news feed.  I believe this philippic is due to some repressed anger on his part for that one time in 1972 when I got a jump shot off on him that actually went in.  I really wish he would choose his words more carefully, as I am already deeply dismayed that Harry and Meghan are stepping away from their senior roles in the royal family.

Another high school friend, The UK, is much more supportive.  He mentioned that I should start a celebrity podcast.  The UK is enjoying his 32nd wedding anniversary down in Cabo San Lucas. He has delighted us with pictures of his trip. He is paying for this trip with the $10k referral bonus he mentioned on FB seven or eight times.

I must admit that I am a bit behind on celebrity news.  Kim Kardashian reported that her daughter North had a stomach flu on Christmas Eve.  I got the news via Yahoo, one of my go to sources.  Do you know why Verizon combined Yahoo and AOL?  Because no one wants to die alone.  If you’ve talked to me in the last year or so, you’ve probably already heard that one.

I feel bad for North Kardashian West, and not only because she is stuck with that name.  However, I do crave the attention that family gets. Back in 1963, my mom reported to the Latrobe Bulletin that both my brother and I were sent home from St. Xavier’s Academy because of measles.  I’ve searched their archives and have come up with bupkis.

https://www.latrobebulletinnews.com/

My Trump Derangement Syndrome kicked up a notch this week.  It looks like we avoided a full-scale war with Iran, no thanks to The Orange Duce, who gave a sniffing and slurring speech before he headed off to his latest rally. Even Republican senators like Mike Lee were pissed by the administration’s bullshit briefing.  I have an idea.  Vote to remove him from office. Nah, the Republicans are going to carry his stink for generations.

I hear some of my kid’s friends are consulting with financial planners.  I think that is smart, because when I was that age, my main concern was whether I had $5 for a six pack.  I understand one of the critical questions these planners ask their millennial clients is “How much boomer cash will you have access to?” That’s why I tell my kids that I’m busy spending their inheritance.

My prediction for tomorrow is: Niners 42 Vikings 24