Will and Kate

I did not make the cut for the royal wedding guest list but I was content to catch all the action on the telly. I just set the away message on my work email to alert folks that I was immersed in the coverage, set the DVR, and got up at 1am to put my morning suit on.

I'm sure all of you caught the action as well. I don't want to say that the media gave it short shrift, but I found myself wanting more detail. In any case, I do have a bit of a scoop. The picture below is of British socialite Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. It is a little known fact that her hat doubles as a propeller, and allowed her to transport herself to the wedding, avoiding street traffic.

Sorry, I Was On Mute

Have you ever sat on a stultifying conference call and wondered how you could creatively use your time, other than catching up with email or working on a spreadsheet? I think I have the solution. You can liveblog the call, providing your real thoughts about the meaninglessness of it all. Ah, forget it, you might get shitcanned.

I was watching CNN a few weeks back. They had on Bethenny Frankel, alleged celebrity and self-described obsessive dieter, to discuss her Skinny Girl cocktail line. I was happy to hear her say that her product fits into her ideals. They then segued to the strife in Libya. I think CNN stands for Comically Nonsensical Network.

I had an interview recently with the Social Security Administration because my younger son just turned 18 and is now eligible for benefits. They posed a few interesting questions. "Does he have any mineral rights?" I said, "Hell yeah, he's been gouging that rich vein for years". Then they asked, "Does he have any income from the Bureau of Indian Affairs?" I said no but told them I'd be open to getting some. "How about pre-paid burial plots?" Holy shit people, how far ahead do you think I plan?

Hey, shouldn't fat free half and half be an impossibility?

Moldy Oldie

On my 3/28 post I was badmouthing 103.7 The Band. I guess I'll have to badmouth Oldies 103.7 going forward as they've changed their format as of 4/8. I was ahead of the curve on that one. I guess that makes me prescient.

http://tinyurl.com/3jotowf

#1 noticed that my real writing gig was not available Monday. I owe him a hug. It turns out my editor was off Monday and the chucklehead filling in for her failed to recognize the importance of getting my royal wedding edition out to my public. So it will be available this coming Monday.

The Chron's Top 100 restaurants came out recently. I'll be heading to one, Piperade, at the end of the month. The print version had a picture of a shaved radish salad at Commonwealth that mentioned their "unique serving plates". This particular salad looks like it was sitting atop of a chunk of the sidewalk out front of my ancestral home in upstate NY. You can find a not very good version of that picture here.

http://tinyurl.com/3prnkgw

I'm Writing, I'm Writing Again

I've been neglecting my blog so its time to crank out a decent post. I've wrapped this week's real gig column and actually have next week's about 75% complete. I'm going to take some of the crap I throw up here and use it to finish that one off. Regarding my real gig, my bro thinks that I don't let my cynical side show enough. In his wisdom, he advised: "Let DJ be DJ". I agree but I have concerns that my suburban readership may not fully appreciate the snarkmaster that is DJ.

I had mentioned in my column that I've been a bit under the weather, which allowed me to avoid one dull night with the numbers, TCG, and The Exec. Since I'm well again, I could not use that excuse to get out of dinner at #1's house Friday. However, he served some primo tri-tip and I was able to put my abstemious ways of the past couple weeks behind me with a couple finely crafted Vespers. In the spirit of village togetherness, the wife and I went to a tomato plant sale up at CSM, followed by a farmer's market visit, Saturday morning with #1 and spouse. I can imagine their conversation after they dropped us off at home, something along the lines of "I am really tired of those people".

Yes, it's been a busy weekend. I took SB2 for a swim yesterday afternoon. I saw him drifting towards a 12 year old kid a few times. The Jaws theme faintly started playing again but he then changed course. I'm sure the kid could have handled himself. It's the unsuspecting guppies I worry about. The rest of the day was rounded off with some Final Four hoops. I'm rooting for Butler tomorrow. Interestingly, their coach is exactly half the age of UConn's, 34 vs. 68.

Today started off with a trip to Costco. I hate Costco. But I got there before the opening bell and was only going to the tire center. They had three Bridgestones left and I needed four but they honored my coupon with Michelins. Doesn't that make your day?! Since they had just opened, I saw the clerk turn on the TV. I thought maybe we'd be treated to a televangelist or Meet The Press. That was not to be as the TV was apparently tuned to The Tire Channel. As I left, I encountered a middle-aged couple walking to their car. The lady's hair was an interesting shade of red. I felt like telling her that that is not a color normally found in nature, but then I didn't want her husband taking a poke at me.

Charlie Sheen's first live show last night bombed. Who's surprised?