DJ's Detritus

A Creative Writing Class Dropout's Last Refuge

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Summer Hiatus

I'll be back in late July. I understand. It hurts me too.

As I've not had an original thought in some time, I'm turning to the FCPD log.

07:12 Suspicious Circumstances 140619011 Occurred on Gull Av, Fcy. RP requests to speak to an Officer regarding a broken bottle found in her driveway last night. Advice rendered. Disposition: Completed.

It was not the wife. Not sure if she was expecting an APB to be put out for the bottle breaker. The advice rendered was "get a broom and dustpan".

12:00 Property for Destruction 140619030 Occurred on Harvester Dr, Fcy. Front counter RP turning in firearms for destruction. Disposition: Report Taken.

Now all we have to do is get the rest of the gun toting American population to do the same and we'll have one of our largest social problems solved.

15:21 Abandoned Vehicle 140619044 Occurred on Mullet Ct, Fcy. Report of a motorhome and an associated red truck parked at the entrance to the court for 4 days. Owner is also working on the motorhome. Subject contacted and advised of City Ordinance; motorhome to be moved tomorrow between 0600 - 0700 hrs. Disposition: Abated/Advised.

Did he have a mullet on Mullet Ct.? You might be a redneck...

15:58 Harassing Phone Calls 653M PC 140619046 Occurred on E 3D Av, Fcy. RP at the front counter reports receiving threatening text messages from a known party. Advice rendered. Disposition: Service Provided.

I've been reading several references lately to this type of behavior, whether it is email, text messages, anonymous internet comments, etc. People are getting away from the fact that a threat or insult, at least in a face to face manner, can often lead to a busted nose or lip. That's why I'm never snarky.

19:09 Accident Non-Injury 140612074 Occurred at Beach Park Bl/Jamaica, Fcy. RP hit a dog that ran out into the street causing damage to her vehicle. Dog owner's came and drove off with dog without providing information. RP No report desired at this time. Incident number provided. . Disposition: Service Provided.

I find this one odd. In these type of instances, I expect the damage to be done to the dog.

20:28 Citizen Assist 140612077 Occurred on Santa Catalina Ln, Fcy. Front counter RP reports receiving a call from a subject who claims the RP's number was left on vehicle that was hit while parked, however the RP has not hit any vehicles. RP advised to refer caller to PD. Disposition: Service Provided.

From the non-celebrity version of Punk'd.

14:03 Suspicious Circumstances 140611048 Occurred on Edgewater Bl, Fcy. Front counter RP reports strange occurrences on his laptop. Advice rendered. . Disposition: Service Provided.

The FCPD should probably release an extensive list of reasons not to call them.

16:25 Animal Calls - Other 140611070 Occurred at Catamaran. , Fcy. RP rpts her 13yr old son found a dog. Dog determined to be a Pomeranian; PHS to handle. . Disposition: Completed.

For the uninitiated, PHS stands for Pomeranian Handling Society

18:12 Petty Theft 140611080 Occurred on Bounty Dr, Fcy. Via Spanish translator, RP reports that his girlfriend stole $300 from his apartment this afternoon. . Disposition: Report Taken.

Hey, won't you play another somebody done somebody wrong song.

Occurred on Emerald Bay Ln, Fcy. Resident reports two WMA's "mulling around" the complex. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

Insert your own wise ass remark here.

05:53 Citizen Assist 140606015 Occurred at Foster City Police Dept on E Hillsdale Bl. , Fcy. Subj at the front counter requesting to use a phone to contact the FBI. Advised that we are not able to provide a public phone. . Disposition: Completed.

07:31 Welfare Check 140606017 Occurred at Foster City Police Dept on E Hillsdale Bl. , Fcy. Subj at the front counter requesting to assistance in contacting the FBI. Subj referred to the SF branch. . Disposition: Completed.

The FCPD does not take kindly to someone trying to go over their head but persistence pays off.

09:35 Missing Juvenile 140606023 Occurred at Tarpon. , Fcy. RP rpts a juvenile is late. Subj left home at 0835 and was due at at 0850hrs. Area check made with negative results. Contact made with the juvenile's mother who declined any further PD assistance. . Disposition: Completed.

My mom always made it easy. She would have said "be home by 9, when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 9"

16:10 Suspicious Circumstances 140607059 Occurred on Tarpon, Fcy. Anonymous RP reports 2 suspicious males who are drilling into the sidewalk. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

Suburban wildcatters

16:37 Suspicious Circumstances 140607061 Occurred on Sea Spray Ln, Fcy. Resident reports a BMA sitting in the lobby for approx 20-25 mins. RP states the subject has his phone plugged in and doesn't believe he lives in the complex. Subject is waiting for a friend who lives on the second floor and is supposed to meet him at 1700 hrs. . Disposition: Service Provided.

Cited for wantonly using 10 to 15 cents worth of electricity

16:46 Citizen Assist 140607063 Occurred on Matsonia Dr, Fcy. Assistance requested by resident for a quality of life (telephone) issue. . Disposition: Service Provided.

What the hell does that mean?

17:49 Accident Non-Injury 140605043 Occurred on Foster City Bl., Fcy. RP reports that a staff member damaged her blue Maserati while driving it, causing $1,000 in damage. No report desired and advice rendered. Disposition: Service Provided.

Was that staff member your chauffeur? By the way, if you don't want a report, why are you a reporting party?

13:09 Suspicious Circumstances 140604042 Occurred on Jamaica, Fcy. RP reports finding a trail of blood spots and a feather on her walkway. Determined to most likely be animal or bird blood. Advice rendered. Disposition: Abated/Advised

A blast from the past. About 20 years ago I was riding the 30 Stockton through Chinatown. The lady sitting next to me had a shopping bag on the floor which did not want to remain stationary. A fellow transit patron inquired about it, whereupon we learned it was a chicken. I don't think it was a pet.

19:55 Suspicious Person 140604076 Occurred at Beach Cove Apts. on Catamaran. Fcy. RP saw three teens, one in beige clothing and two in black clothing, jump the wall at the rear of Marlin Cove and head into Beach Cove Apts. Area check made. Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

Beige and black are their school colors.

01:29 Commercial Burglary 140602001 Occurred at Costco Wholesale on Metro Center Bl. , Fcy. Audible alarm, receiving area motion. Disposition: False Alarm.

03:39 Commercial Burglary 140602002 Occurred at Costco Wholesale on Metro Center Bl. , Fcy. Audible alarm, Receving area. Disposition: Not Dispatched.

Groundhog Day

18:15 Citizen Assist 140529060 Occurred at Foster City Police Dept on E Hillsdale Bl.Fcy. RP at the front counter with documents she would like an officer to look at. All documents looked at and added to file at RP's request, but their is no evidence of a crime. . Disposition: Service Provided.

RP advised to use spell check.

11:32 Suspicious Person 140530036 Occurred at Comet Dr/Balclutha Dr, Fcy. RP rpts an older male subj on a bicycle that is in possesion of a tool used to remove catalytic converters; tool is in his pant leg. WMA 40-50yrs , bro hair, beard wearing a work shirt and jeans. Subj contacted and determined to be doing work in the area and riding back and forth transporting tools. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

He had "bro hair"? Was he sporting an Afro pick as well? Usually workers with tools have trucks.

14:37 Welfare Check 140531042 Occurred at Peninsula Jewish Community Ctr on Foster City Bl. Fcy. PJCC staff report a single-stall restroom door locked for over an hour with someone possibly inside. Cancelled: staff got the door open and the stall was empty. . Disposition: Cancelled.

A mischievous punk locking the door and crawling out is not a police matter.

20:12 Health & Safety Code Violation 140531083 Occurred at Ryan Park on E Hillsdale Bl. Fcy. Several subjects near the Hilltop wine booth smoking marijuana. Area checked and contact made with three subjects. All checked fine. No merit. Disposition: Completed.

21:47 Disturbance 415 PC 140531089 Occurred on Beach Park Bl, Fcy. Downstairs neighbors smoking marijuana and it is coming into RP's unit. Ongoing issue, RP states neighbors do have medical marijuana cards, however they do nothing to ventilate
smoke and have windows open. Resident contacted and will close windows. Disposition: Completed.


We'll close with Reefer Madness Foster City Style

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Dads and Grads

I graduated from high school 40 years ago yesterday.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Hopefully reading this will be the most strenuous thing you do all day.

One of my personal heroes, Eric Cantor, went down in flames this week. He's my buddy Wig's rep so I had to console him during a recent phone call. He didn't even get a steak dinner from Cantor. We also talked about our Paris trip. The Wig and I are going to leave the ladies behind one day and take a trip to Normandy. My wife OK'd it.

There's been other exciting goings on in the life of DJ. The spousal unit and I spent last Saturday night at the Oakland Hills Hotel, aka my sister's house. We always have a blast with them. We had a kick butt lasagne and some fine wines. My brother was there as well. You see, he's an intellectual, whereas I am everyman. We had a little confusion about his use of the term "prole". My "did you mean" generator came up with "parolee", so I riffed on that for a while. My comedy set after dinner lasted about 45 minutes.

This past Friday night #1 had me over for dinner. His wife and son were in MI so we had the run of the place. This was the menu:

Soy-Glazed Chicken Thighs
Roasted Asparagus and Scallions
Baked Whipped cauliflower

Do you think Don Draper ever pulled off a boy's night dinner like that?

We were joined by The Hotelier and #2. Our conversations are privileged but I will admit to showing them my diastasis. They were unimpressed.

I really do not understand the hullabaloo about Miss Indiana and her apparently "normal" or "average" body. This is not how I would describe it. She doesn't look much different from some of the other contestants. Trust me on this. I've done the research.


I saw the following headline a few weeks ago regarding that insane Wisconsin stabbing.


Now what the hell are you to conclude from that? That the parents are anti-stabbing?

There's a film festival in my hometown


I'm thinking of bringing the Alviso Film Festival to the Hillbarn right here in FC. Speaking of Alviso, it was pretty ripe around my office earlier this week when it was heating up. You gotta experience the Alviso Stink sometime.

summer reading?



My next blog post will be about a dystopian present where people who are celebrities for no reason whatsoever dominate the news.

Sunday, June 01, 2014

Hello June

I have had my morning swim and am now ready to blog. The trick is to get there about an hour or so after it opens to avoid the diehards that are ready to do laps at 7am. I had a nice soak and steam afterward.

The wife went down to Oxnard this weekend so I've been left to my own devices. I'm a little surprised she didn't plan for it Father's Day. I tell ya, I don't get no respect.

Early yesterday I saw my trainer, as usual. He's a fascial stretch therapist. I briefly had a fascist stretch therapist but we didn't see eye to eye. So I told my trainer today that we had to start working on my biceps. I really need to reduce them.

Dr. Joe was in town Saturday for a symposium, so we had a chance to visit. The timing worked out because my symposium wrapped early. We got a half Philly half Boston pie from Amici's and cracked a Zin. This was the first time he had seen our new kitchen and was duly impressed. The first thing he said was something along the lines of "this has gotta be better than #1's kitchen". We spent the evening reminiscing about the Binghamton days and then I dropped him at SFO for his red eye.

I have a busy day ahead. I plan to avoid the Foster City Arts, Wine and Carney Fest but have a few errands to run. I expect to be inconvenienced by street closures. I'm picking up SB2 this afternoon to toss him around the natatorium. We'll then come home for a snack and few episodes of Imagination Movers. SB2 will watch too. Afterwards I'll make a gourmet meal and start peaking out the window every 20 minutes or so, awaiting the arrival of my bride.

I saw this article in HufffPo the other day. It initially caused me some concern but I like to think of myself as a kinder, gentler cynic.


All around nice guy Ballmer is a baller now.