Anger Management

Here’s an article from a local paper, featured on Letterman last night.

http://www.marinij.com/fairfax/ci_10010468

I caught a snippet from CNBC’s interview with the Wells Fargo CFO today. Besides for his stream of standard corporate bullshit, there was a graphic with the following:

$294 million Madoff related write offs

As many a punster before I have stated, Madoff made off with the dough. Apparently these fine customers borrowed from the banks and gave it to Bernie to invest. There was no mention of the bottom line effect of me moving my accounts to B of A.

Ever notice how the food purveyors use the adjective “Tuscan” to give their products a gourmet sheen. This has gone too far. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore. Safeway has lots of Tuscan stuff and now TGI Fridays presents us with Tuscan Spinach Dip. Their shill, ridiculously bleached and spiked Guy Fieri, has been talking it up. A little truth in advertising would give us Akron Spinach Dip.

I was driving to work around 6am yesterday, about to head onto the 101 on ramp. A pedestrian was crossing against the light, engrossed in a cell phone conversation. She did quicken her pace somewhat so I imagine the conversation veered off topic and as she stated “hold on a second, I gotta dodge this Volvo”.

My doc gave me an invitation to a CPAP support group. I’ve always been a big fan of the support group. I was looking forward to this one but I nodded off and missed it.

Sometimes, when I forget I have DVR, I watch commercials.

Happy 50th to Olbermann, one day late

And the Healing Has Begun

And we’ll walk down the avenue again
And we’ll sing all the songs from way back when
And we’ll walk down the avenue again
And the healing has begun

And we’ll walk down the avenue in style
And we’ll walk down the avenue and we’ll smile
And we’ll say baby ain’t it all worthwhile
When the healing has begun


Van Morrison
Into the Music
1979

DJ Trebek

“Hi, I’m DJ Trebek, the black sheep of the Trebek family”

That’s how I introduced myself as MC of Saturday night’s Jeopardy themed roast for #2’s 50th birthday. Like many of my best lines, it went over like a lead balloon.

I worked with #1, The Exec and TCG to put together the answers and questions for this one. We got help from #2’s best friend to get some dirt on his earlier days, when he was apparently more interesting. I’ll share a couple of them here to promote recycling.

A) Half an hour to 45 minutes
Q) What is #2’s longest job tenure?

A) Foster City’s ban on whaling
Q) Why did #2 finally get a Jacuzzi?

A) UCSB
Q) What is University Credentials S(his last name ) Bought

#2 attended, and allegedly graduated from, UC Santa Barbara. This particular item has a story of its own. I had authored this one and thought it was pretty clever, but in discussing it with the Exec and #1, I was not getting the expected response. They were even talking about rearranging it. But I then spelled out for them that UCSB was an acronym. That’s why we bolded the above. The next time I work with these guys I’ll bring training wheels. However, I’d like to add that it is a delight to work with TCG. He always asks clarifying questions and tries to take everyone’s point of view into account.

Prior to this event, my wife and I headed up to the big city to have a birthday dinner at Harris Steakhouse with my father and siblings. The old man hit 88 Thursday. We met in the bar, and as is his custom, he crushed my hand as he greeted me. I ordered a Manhattan, in a lame attempt to appear more sophisticated than I am. We were then escorted to our table. We all had steaks except my brother and father. They have never gone with the flow. My brother had lamb chops and Dad ordered the roast beef. Dad was amazed by the size of the portion. He chowed down and still had enough left over for a meal for himself and his wife. We all exited well fed, many with doggie bags.

The next big birthday will be #1’s 50th. I expect to work with my village pals to put together some kind of tribute. Usually we do something similar to Saturday night’s happening. However, since #1 does not have a sense of humor, we’ll have to improvise.

Paging Senator Burris

I guess the rumor I heard that Blagojevich gives it away is true after all. Now Roland Burris gets to join the august body that includes a not ready for prime time player, at least one client of hookers, and a guy with a wide stance.

This is my first post of 2009. My blog alarm has been going off for a while but I’ve been hitting the snooze button. I gave you guys a break but now its time to get back to business.

Cosmo’s latest screamingly inane headline reads “What Sex Feels Like for Guys”. Thank God someone is looking at it from our perspective for once. Sign me up for a subscription.

I had my usual ration of mud this morning but I’m getting mixed messages again. A Yahoo headline today tells me coffee may reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s. But an article yesterday stated "people who drink more than seven cups of coffee a day tend to hallucinate more than less caffeine-driven colleagues". They did however point out that there is not a direct correlation. They summed it up thusly: “But the study noted that the tendency to hear voices or have other hallucinations may not be caused by caffeine, but simply reflect the kind of people who drink lots of coffee.” I’ll buy that.

In other news, the military is looking at accepting overweight recruits, ones they would have rejected previously. I can see it now. “OK private, finish up your nachos and Big Gulp and take that hill.”