Oh, The Loneliness

I got together Saturday night with some of the townies. All the wives had skated for the weekend so we were left to our own devices. To be honest, I'm not really crazy about these guys but we bonded since we were all so distraught that we couldn't be spending the time with our spouses. We met at #2's house for a little tea and sympathy. You know most of the guys. #1, #2, and The Exec were there. I haven't mentioned The Banker before, but he was our fifth wheel. They're all successful guys, mainly because, as that groundbreaking SJ State study I mentioned previously pointed out, they drink.

In addition to the tea, we had some martinis. #2 mixed up the first batch and managed to get half in our glasses and the other half on his kitchen floor. Bartending is not his thing but he did perfectly grill our steaks, which were served along with corn and brussel sprouts. The Exec introduced me to the Peppertini, and I'm not sure I'm going to forgive him for meddling with a classic. At least he didn't try plying us with mojitos. Getting back to those brussel sprouts, every time I get together with these guys we have them. I can't figure it out. I'm bringing the vegetable next time.

After dinner we ventured out on the local waterway. #2 was our skipper in his seaworthy vessel, the name of which I'm trying to recall. Oh yes, Heart of Darkness, that's it. We really opened up to each other during that cruise. I shared something deeply personal. I let them all know I was suing my dad for never having a clown at any of my childhood birthday parties, let alone a bounce house. I've been carrying that a long time. My lawyer says I have a good case. #1 stated that this has also been a difficult time in his life. I pressed him for more details. He said it began the day W got inaugurated. On the bright side, The Exec informed us he was in discussions with some network counterparts about adding to one of TV's biggest franchises. He's already submitted scripts for the first seven episodes of CSI San Mateo.

My active social life continues next weekend. I'm heading off to Tahoe with 4M, TK, and The Upgrade King. Let's see how my wife likes being stuck at home alone with three kids. I'm hoping to be able to plumb this trip for some blog material but I'm not optimistic. You see, these guys are a lot like me. By that, I mean they are boring as hell.

All Is Well

The Wolverine and I have kissed and made up. He called me collect and we gabbed for what seemed like hours. I hate conflict, whether it’s between me and my pals or even Brits like Elton John and George Michael. Those guys have mended fences as well so I'm feeling good.

From the academic world, there have been a few studies of import published recently. The first is from one the Bay Area's premier universities, San Jose State, and it claims:

"People who consume alcohol earn significantly more at their jobs than non-drinkers, according to a US study that highlighted "social capital" gained from drinking.”

It helps explain a great deal, including how many of my friends and I manage to make a decent living. However, I'd still like to know whether I should drink coffee or not.

USC has produced a shocking study that says celebrities are more narcissistic than the average person. Dr. Drew Pinksy of MTV fame was one of the authors. I think they are off base because I don't consider myself or any of my Tinsel Town cohorts narcissistic. To paraphrase of one of my favorite J Lo songs, "I'm still DJ from the block"

By the way, does anyone know where can I get one of those wearable clocks like Flavor Flav has?

Ypsilanti Insanity

The Wolverine has gone too far. This makes the leap from ego blather into the realm of madness. I realize you probably didn't read his latest comment because you were too engrossed in my posts but he had the audacity to belittle my defensive abilities. This is beyond the pale! What does he think the D in DJ stands for? Damn daunting defense, that’s what! He's probably still pissed from the last time I packed his "mighty jumper" and told him, in no uncertain terms, to "take that home and put it in the closet”. I know that Unc would never criticize my D, even if he did read my less than subtle blog.

Diddy Or Didn’t He

In a story of earth shattering importance, it was decided that P. Diddy can’t shorten his name to Diddy in the UK, since there already is, believe it or not, another Diddy. I had found out about this a few days ago but 4M informed me yesterday. He thinks he feeds me vital blog material so I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’m always a few steps ahead of him, especially with the celebrity news. This item especially resonated with 4M. He had wanted to change his moniker to 5M but there was a lesser oenophile in Manteca that already had it taken. I did have some concerns about blogging about Puffy’s, I mean, Diddy’s name issues. I thought he may not care for my approach and therefore there was a distinct possibility that either he, or one of his employees, would bust a cap in my ass. Fortunately 4M pointed out that he had never noticed a sarcastic tone in my posts. There’s also the fact that Diddy does not read my blog.

I see that Brad Pitt has stated that he’ll marry Angelina when everybody who wants to get married can. He thinks he’s hip but I tried that idea on my wife back in ’87 and she put the kibosh on it. But lately she pissed at me for several mentions in my blog. She even told me recently that she thinks that “maybe we should start seeing other people”. I told her to consider changing her name to distract her.

The word from NY Fashion Week is that billowy dresses and short skirts are back in. I wish they had been a bit timelier with that info. I could have worn one of my classic billowy dresses to the SF Opera opening instead of that same old dove gray J. Mendel.

In Vino Veritas

I was in my favorite wine store recently, K&L in Redwood City. I came across a wine described as having “brooding depth and nuance”. The only problem was that at $14.99, it was beyond my budget. I instead picked up some Bogle Petite Syrah and Marietta Old Vine Red Lot 40. At $8.99 and $9.99 respectively, they’re a bargain in a bottle. I have my crony 4M to thank for setting me in the right direction. Both wines get 90 points from DJ.

I believe I also have brooding depth and nuance. However, Uncle Phil, another Edge vet, feels I lack subtlety. I used to be more subtle, such as back when we played hoops on Thursday nights in The Edge’s cracker box gym. These four on four half court games of renown were a staff rite of passage, and they carried on long after we all found other careers. I think I subtly left Uncle Phil flat footed during one of those games with my patented spin move. It always worked at least once.

I did get too big for my britches though. I was out one Friday night years back with Unc and the Wolverine. We were spending quality time at one of our favorite watering holes, The Persian Aub Zam Zam Room, in the heart of the Haight. After one too many martinis, I challenged them to a 2 on 1 game the next day. We played through the hangovers and I went down, but not without a fight. The combo of Uncle Phil’s stellar inside game and The Wolverine’s weak-kneed jumper sent me to showers a loser, by three points as I recall.

Back to The Zam Zam Room, a part of SF folklore. From long before the Summer of Love through to the 1990’s, it was ruled by owner and red-vested bartender Bruno. Bruno did not take any crap. He must have 86’d more than his share of freaks He was well into his 60s when I met him, but I made every effort to stay on his good side. If you came in asking for a margarita or a mojito, you were summarily sent to the bar down the street. I went back recently to The Zam Zam with Uncle Phil and The Wolverine. Some former patrons bought the place after Bruno died and keep it running but it wasn’t the same. You can’t go home again.

Furniture Fixation

First he jumps on couches and then he turns the tables on me. Tom Cruise has thrown me for a loop by apologizing to Brooke Shields. How can I make fun of him when he acts this way? They also released Suri pictures this week so my dream of an early retirement is over. OK Tommy, I'm sorry too.

There’s been a lot going on. I’m still tired from being up late at the SF Symphony opening night but hanging with the socialites always puts me in a mood to write. The only downside to the gala affair was that I was wearing the same gown as the Patrons Dinner co-chair. According to the Chron, she glowed “in the dove gray J. Mendel”. I was glowering since I bought mine first. I guess I’ll have to wait until opera season to make a splash.

I’m beginning to become worried about the blog business. It came out this week that Barbara Walters wants Rosie O’Donnell to stop talking about The View on her blog. Next Baba will want me to stop talking about Rosie talking about The View. You see how these things can snowball. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t want Rosie to stop talking on her blog. I want her to stop talking, period. In addition, James Frey and Randon House have agreed to settle lawsuits filed by readers of "A Million Little Pieces". This sets a precedent and I might be sued as well. After reading my blog, the complainants will be seeking damages because “that’s 15 minutes of my life I’ll never get back”.

Elsewhere in the celebrity world, Paris Hilton was nailed for DUI while speeding in her half million dollar Mercedes. She also recently made the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s “Most Overrated Person” That must be a new category. The buzz in Hollywood is that there will be a remake of The Wizard of Oz. Paris and Keira Knightley are up for The Scarecrow role.

This just in. Oprah is not gay and Francisco Franco is still dead.

The Edge

The family trotted up to the North Bay this past weekend to picnic with The Poughkeepsie Kid and his wife, Mrs. PK. This is an annual event they put on with a bunch of old co-workers and hangers on. Back in the 80s, The Poughkeepsie Kid hired me at a place sometimes referred to as The Edge. It was on the edge of SF and a lot of the staff was on the edge as well. It was a school for disturbed kids. I got hired for a few reasons. I was big, I was fast, and I was a fellow upstate NY hillbilly. The place has taken on legendary status for some of us. Not only did half of my West Coast friends work there, but I found a wife when I wasn’t even looking. It was definitely the place to hook up. At last count we knew of around a dozen couples that met there.

I met my chum The Wolverine at The Edge. Guess what? He met his wife there. The Wolverine is the overly sensitive type. I just got a nice headline from him saying “What’s the latest workout craze? Facial fitness” He then scrawled in crayon that I needed it. Talk about your weak attempts at humor. But his cutting skills are improving. It’s not easy to work with those kindergarten scissors but his wife won’t let him have the regular kind.

Another of my regular readers came out of there. He thinks he deserves a cool blog nickname and now he’s got one. The Phoenix Flyboy escaped The Edge a bachelor but that didn’t last long. We used to take in ballgames at the Stick back when Jeff Leonard and Robby Thompson were playing to day game crowds of 10,000. We always managed to get choice seats back then. Now I gotta rely on yet another Edge alumnus, Double R, in order to get good tickets to Pac Bell SBC ATT Park. Come to think of it, he hasn’t invited me to a game this year. He moved up to the gold country a while back. He felt that one of the biggest advantages of the area was that I don’t live there. Friends forever!