Horndogs to the Right

I was hiking naked on the Appalachian Trail recently. No, strike that. I was in Argentina. Ah hell, I’ve been stuck in my cubicle all week, whilst the Gaucho Governor was gallivanting. This latest GOP libido outbreak has lead to the inevitable round of mea culpas. Two 2012 Republican presidential hopefuls have taken it on the chin in the last few weeks because they can’t keep it in their shorts. But lust is non-partisan. Jimmy Carter had it in his heart and John Edwards clearly desired more than perfect hair.

Bus Stop

I was putting Sonny Boy Two on the school bus today. It’s usually not my job but I was exhibiting some flexibility in regards to the duty roster. I went out to the bus to say howdy to the driver. I was expecting the boy to follow closely behind. But he threw me a curveball. When I looked back, he was standing in the doorway with a fist full of paper towels. I went back and realized he had grabbed the first one in the roll and pulled it all the way across the kitchen. He was trying to send me a message, and was quite reluctant to head out to the bus, but this was one of those father/son lack of communication scenarios. He finally relented and caught his ride, as I piled up a dozen or so paper towels. When my wife came home, she informed me that he wanted his nose wiped. I guess I need to get with the program.

I’m reconsidering in Twitter. Nah! But my negative bias is easing. Originally I thought of it as Ashton Kutcher’s blather and John Mayer tweeting things like "This Heart Didn't Come With Instructions". If some dude said something like that to me to explain his love life, I’d slug him. But that’s another story. #1 pointed me to a Twitter feed that gave me a few chuckles.

http://twitter.com/Roland_Hedley

And the UK decided to rip me off. He’s an upstate NY wiseass.

http://twitter.com/FakeDJsDetritus

Speaking of upstate NY wiseass punks, I’m one of them. I didn’t plan to be, it just turned out that way. As I walked into the club the other day, this older gentleman was asking one of the staff members, “Have you seen a cap with ‘Millie’s Coffee’ on it?”. I was going to chime in, “Millie’s Coffee? Nope, haven’t seen it”, but I restrained myself. What is it that drives me to such depths, to be a plebeian humorist manqué? I’ll discuss it with my shrink tomorrow.

My microwave tells me to “Enjoy Your Meal” when the timer goes off. If most of my meals were coming out of a microwave, I doubt I’d enjoy them. Last night’s dinner was meticulously prepared by my wonderful wife. No microwaves were involved in the preparation of the Salade Niçoise. I’m on a diet for the first time in my life. I got inspiration from #2. I’m trying to get rid of a little bit of what you see in my post from 1/24/08.

Sports Page

OK, so the Twitter reference was a canard. Most of you knew that. Some of you other cue balls, as in sharp as a, were wondering if I meant it. No. I’ve already partially bought in to that Facebook bullshit and that is as far as I’m going.

Since you’re not getting tweets every twenty minutes or so, I’ll catch you up on all the dull facets of my existence. We spent a few days in Sacramento last week. Sonny boy one was rowing with his college team at the IRA championship.

http://www.row2k.com/ira/

Yes, he is a big time college athlete, just like his old man. Back in my Binghamton days, I was recruited by The Cincinnati Kids to play on their hoops team. They had just taken the intramural championship and needed to reload after losing a couple seniors. They poached me from a team called Head. I didn’t ask about the origin of that name. I didn’t want to know. In any case, Head faced off against The Kids in the first round of the playoffs. As usual, I rebounded so I could pass off to the point guard, who would take it down the court and engage in a one on five match every time. Can you say gunner? Oh, the bitterness shines through 30 years hence. In any case, I impressed the The Kids and played for their squad the following year. The fact that we went down in the first round of playoffs that year was not solely my responsibility.

What does this have to do with my stay in Sacramento? Not a great deal. However, I was able to meet up with an old friend of mine, Double R. He’s only received two previous mentions in this blog, which is about what he deserves. Speaking of hoops, he was one of my nemeses in the paint. The boy had one of the ugliest jump shots going, and just to piss you off, it went in a lot. We had a panel come in to observe one night, including professors of mechanical engineering and kinesiology from a local university. They left nonplussed, as they could not determine how he scored either.

So we visited Double R and his family. He put together some fine chicken piccata but getting a drink from the guy is like pulling teeth. He pours me a glass of white wine and then sits down with a margarita. Is that right? So I gotta prod him to offer me a real drink. Kind of like I invited myself over to his house. We reminisced a bit. He probably made his standard crack about seeing me wandering about SF, with my Muni fast pass in my pocket. I could get anywhere for $30 a month. Once I passed on the bus and took a ride on his motorcycle. It was nine blocks of terror in The Sunset. Vicente to Noriega, the hard way.

It was good to see my old bud and his family. They’re doing well up there and I’m sure we’ll visit again. However, if he wants any more ink, he’ll save the white wine for the ladies. And in the interest of full disclosure, the guy’s a hugger.

Macro vs. Micro

I don’t have anything of interest to say lately. I’m thinking of switching over to Twitter.