Bitch, I'm Madonna

I prefer Holiday

As I've mentioned before, blogging is hard. I came across news last week that Donald Trump was mulling a presidential run. That preposterous idea put me in enough of a cynical mood that I thought I'd mine it for a paragraph or two. Then I read the following article, which pretty much nails it.

http://tinyurl.com/nalroyc

When I first heard about the machete attack at the NOLA airport, I though Charlie Sheen might be on another bender. But it turns out he was criticizing Obama for filling out a bracket. Can't a president have a little fun Charlie?

The AP confused Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit with crazy rich guy Robert Durst. I decided I had to check out a few of Limp Bizkit's tunes on Youtube before making a comment. I did so. Both Dursts are guilty of criminal behavior.

What is this dope going to do when she files for divorce?

http://tinyurl.com/lnct7yp

My bracket is busted. The Wig and I are bringing up the rear in the Extended Village. We did not get much of a turnout this year. My emails probably ended up in the spam file.

My wife gave me a kiss and wished me a happy anniversary this morning. Our anniversary is tomorrow.

Yan Can Cook Etc.

I was in my local OSH last weekend and I ran into Martin Yan. He lives in San Mateo. I left him the hell alone.

Saturday night we went over to The Oakland Hills Hotel to celebrate my brother's 60th birthday. My sister usually has an array of artisanal liquors I've never heard of so we had some cocktails before our pasta dinner. My brother differs greatly from me in that he looks about 10 years younger, is much shorter and lacks a gut, All three of his kids were there so it was fun to catch up. We planned a cousins reunion when I can corral all my kids on Gull Ave. We survived the time change as we scooted out early to get to our next social event.

Sunday morning we headed down to Half Moon Bay to celebrate The Unc's birthday. That geezer is even older than my brother. We met up with other friends that we are going to Costa Rica with this summer. We had a nice outside table at Sam's Chowder House. The food was good and I got some sun on my face, which gave me a lovely glow for a few days.

As we were leaving, a group of motorcyclists arrived, with the leader of the pack blasting his radio. I was a little off put by the incongruous sound of the lilting lead vocal of Maroon 5's latest hit emanating from his hog.

I'm stoked about the new Apple watch. I just put myself on the wait list. I understand it makes guacamole.

Here's a touching and inspirational story about the Google CFO's retirement. He's leaving because wants to spend more time counting his own money.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/roberthof/2015/03/10/retiring-google-cfo-writes-the-best-spend-more-time-with-family-memo-ever/2/

In other news, a couple drunk Secret Service agents crashed their car, Hillary tried to explain away her private email account, and a 250 year old pretzel was discovered in Germany. I have no comment.

Lastly, I'm surprised that a guy with this stage persona is capable of violence.

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6495232/slipknot-mick-thomson-stabbed

Breakfast In America

I'd like to wish you all a happy National Pancake Day. I got my wife a card. I had my morning short stack at the Foster City IHOP and lunch was at the Milpitas branch. When the wife gets home we'll go back to the FC IHOP. No one will be the wiser due to the shift change.

I washed all those pancakes down with a lot of coffee because the latest study states "drinking up to five cups of coffee a day may benefit the arteries". But they seem to alternate. I'm expecting the next one to announce that you shouldn't drink a gallon of coffee within an hour because it may cause your head to explode. They need to take all this research money and put it elsewhere. Keep it under a pint a day and you'll be fine.

I just got back from the gym because I wanted to work off the flapjacks. As I was leaving a saw a license plate that had JIMS ORO on it. It was a dirty, gold Saturn station wagon. If I had a piece of shit like that, I'd sure be proud of it.

In the news, Netanyahu gave his speech to Congress today before he heads back for the Israeli election. Don't be surprised if the next check bounces Bibi.

This was one of today's headlines, but I don't want to talk about it.

Science goes to great lengths to measure average penis size