Sorry, I Was On Mute

Have you ever sat on a stultifying conference call and wondered how you could creatively use your time, other than catching up with email or working on a spreadsheet? I think I have the solution. You can liveblog the call, providing your real thoughts about the meaninglessness of it all. Ah, forget it, you might get shitcanned.

I was watching CNN a few weeks back. They had on Bethenny Frankel, alleged celebrity and self-described obsessive dieter, to discuss her Skinny Girl cocktail line. I was happy to hear her say that her product fits into her ideals. They then segued to the strife in Libya. I think CNN stands for Comically Nonsensical Network.

I had an interview recently with the Social Security Administration because my younger son just turned 18 and is now eligible for benefits. They posed a few interesting questions. "Does he have any mineral rights?" I said, "Hell yeah, he's been gouging that rich vein for years". Then they asked, "Does he have any income from the Bureau of Indian Affairs?" I said no but told them I'd be open to getting some. "How about pre-paid burial plots?" Holy shit people, how far ahead do you think I plan?

Hey, shouldn't fat free half and half be an impossibility?