Entertainment This Afternoon

The VMAs, that cultural Armageddon, took place last night. I'm here to provide you the lowlights. I didn't actually watch it, because that would be excruciating. But the fatuous press has gladly provided me a lot of material.

Beyonce provided a feminist message while flashing a copious amount of T and A. She also brought the kid and hubby on stage and thanked God. Oy! Spare me.

There was a lot made of the fact that Katie Perry and her date Riff Raff showed up reprising the Timberlake/Spears denim outfits of years back. I think retro is cool. I might even be able to pull off a 40s/50s double breasted look with a fedora. But just because a couple young knuckleheads get dressed up in hokey denim togs, it doesn't mean you have to. The article I just read says that Riff Raff has always looked up to Vanilla Ice. The poor guy needs more role models. Katie has picked another winner.

The wardrobe malfunction of the night belonged to Nikki Minaj. She had to hold her dress together to avoid flashing the crowd. She also shook her ass a great deal. The snake was a no show because it bit one of the back up dancers during rehearsal. I think that merits hazardous duty pay.

Common called for a moment of silence for Michael Brown. The Kardashians took that opportunity to send a few important texts. Kim's outfit was uncharacteristically revealing.

It looks like Taylor Swift wore a bathing suit. I guess that is part of the action plan in her switch from country to pop. Amber Rose's outfit wins the conservation award for using the least material. However, this is my nomination for worst outfit of the night. His name is Jeremy Scott. I never heard of him either. Google tells me he's a fashion designer. I ain't buying it.

Post 444

That's what blogspot tells me

In yesterday's blog I made a reference to an earthquake vibrating a neighborhood. Last night there was a big one in Napa. My wife felt it but I slept through it.

Yesterday I drove #1 and family to SFO and got a boatload of tasty tomatoes from his garden. I brought some over to The Exec and also gave a few to my stylist. My old man had a barber. I have a stylist. I'm also a foodie and drive a Volvo. If writing about the Kardashian's doesn't send me to hell, those facts will.

The wife and I tried a new San Mateo joint called Block 34 last night. We think it is a winner. They also have a pretty good happy hour so I'll need to round up the village boys for a little get together.

Does anyone else think this is what Lorde will look like on stage in 25 years?

Did you hear the one about Donald Rumsfeld's Wikipedia page? Somebody edited it to say he was an “alien lizard who eats Mexican babies”. Apparently some wiseacre Congressional staffers are responsible for that one, as Wikipedia blocked them. Kudos to the staffers.

Last weekend I was in Emerald Isle, NC for Dr. Joe's daughter's wedding. SB1 flew down from DC to be my guest. A good time was had by all. The ever gracious Wigs put us up in their beach house they had rented for the week. The wedding itself took place on the beach. It was a brief but touching ceremony in which the couple recited their own vows. We then trekked back to the house for the reception. The featured beverages were from Middle Ages Brewing Company in Syracuse, the provenance of Dr. Joe and family. Crab cakes, risotto with scallops and a taco bar made for a well fed crowd.

After a few of those Syracuse Pale Ales, I was able to join the dance floor. I was unfamiliar with Iggy Azalea but they threw in enough tunes from my youth to allow me to move this decrepit body around a bit. I started a conga line at one point, during a song that has probably never initiated a conga line before.

We spent most of the next day on the beach, in the water, or on the deck. The waves were mild, as was the water temperature. That night The Wigs treated our party of 18 to dinner at Amos Mosquito's. SB1 escaped the kid's table to sup with the 50 somethings.

Sunday it was back to RDU and to reality for the boy and me. We enjoyed our time together and with my good old college buds and their families.

Long Hot Summer

06:07 Suspicious Vehicle 140724017

Occurred on Marlin Av, Fcy. RP reports a suspicious subject sitting in a vehicle who, when approached by the RP, began yelling and swearing at the RP. Verbal only and situation resolved. Occupant of the vehicle determined to be a driver for a limo service picking up a client. . Disposition: Abated/Advised.

Inhospitable Limo Service Inc.

00:30 Misc Noise Complaint 140723002

Occurred on Baffin, Fcy. Complaint of a woman yelling scripture in the area. . Disposition: Quiet on Arrival/Departure.

Holy Roller Midnight Mass

10:50 Citizen Assist 140723023

Officer initiated activity at Catamaran, Foster City. Assistance provided to a family in locating a vehicle. Disposition: Service Provided.

I know its around here somewhere officer.

11:56 Civil Dispute 140723030

Occurred at E Hillsdale Bl. , Fcy. Front counter RP reports his friend handed him a bad check on 07/11/14. Advice rendered. . Disposition: Service Provided.

What is your definition of friend?

15:19 Disturbance 415 PC 140723054

Occurred at Dory Ln. , Fcy. Children playing soccer in the park accidentally kicked the ball over this residence's fence, and the resident is refusing to return the ball. Situation mediated. . Disposition: Abated/Advised. 15:20 Cite Sign-Off

Sounds like something I'll be doing in a few years. They advised the resident to stop being a curmudgeon.

18:21 Suspicious Person 140723067

Occurred at E Hillsdale Bl/Twin Bridges. , Fcy. Report of a WMA dressed in black and white loitering under the bridge all day. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

22:15 Citizen Assist 140723072

Occurred on Cumberland Ct, Fcy. Advice rendered to a process server who is having difficulty contacting the resident. . Disposition: Service Provided

We advise you to look for an alternate line of employment

00:02 Suspicious Circumstances 140722001

Occurred on Erickson Ln, Fcy. RP reports unknown rang his door bell and ran away. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

When I was kid, a cohort and I rang every doorbell in our 72 unit complex. Since it was broad daylight, we were readily identified. It got me grounded for a week. That's a cautionary tale kids.

17:11 Suspicious Vehicle 140807065

Occurred on Beach Park Bl, Fcy. RP reports a tan older model Cadillac sitting outside her house for 4 hours, occupied by an older WMA in a striped shirt. RP believes he is a private investigator hired by her ex-husband to harass her. Vehicle last seen northbound on BPB. Area check made. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

Not a PI, just an aging hipster

19:23 City Ordinance Violation 140807077

Occurred on Catamaran, Fcy. Delivery truck parked on Marlin at Catamaran vibrating neighborhood. Ongoing issue. Marlin Cove shopping management won't let trucks make deliveries in front and are not allowing access to the back forcing delivery drivers to park on City streets. Contact made with driver making a delivery to Starbucks. Driver will contact Starbucks and attempt to obtain a key. RP advised and will follow up with Starbucks management as well. . Disposition: Service Provided.

The best of my knowledge, the only thing that can vibrate a neighborhood is an earthquake.

13:06 Citizen Assist 140802030

Officer initiated activity at Barkentine, Foster City. Officer flagged down for parking advice. . Disposition: Service Provided.

Hello Officer, how does that parallel parking thing work again?

11:30 Outside Agency Assist 140803025

Occurred on Crane Av, Fcy. Resident rpts a City sewer line issue; determined to be the homeowner's responsibility. . Disposition: Outside Assist / Mutual Aid Given.

What's the detail on this one? Did the DPW say "We don't want to deal with this chucklehead"?

13:10 Welfare Check 140721046

Occurred on Timberhead Ln, Fcy. RP requests a welfare check on her son who is not answering the phone. Subj contacted and checked fine. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

Her son is 32 and wants to be left the hell alone.

19:40 Citizen Assist 140717080

Occurred on Bonita Ln, Fcy. Front counter RP has furniture left out for donation & unknown(s) have been moving it around. RP feels she is being harassed. Disposition: Abated/Advised.

The feng shui practitioners were asked to move along.

00:33 Disturbance 415 PC 140819003

Occurred on Sanderling, Fcy. Rp requests a police response due to his wife behaving inappropriately again. Parties separated for the evening and Informational case taken. . Disposition: Report Taken.

Holy Cow, if I did that, the cops would be at my house all the time.

23:16 Disturbance 415 PC 140818072

Occurred on Sanderling, Fcy. RP reports his wife is acting irrational and is intoxicated. Verbal only; parties agree to sleep in separate rooms for the night. . Disposition: Abated/Advised.

I got nothing

12:16 City Ordinance Violation 140819025

Occurred on Bainbridge, Fcy. Rp reports to an officer regarding his neighbor not picking up after her dog. No one home at the offending neighbor's residence ; officer to attempt contact later. . Disposition: Completed.

I've made references to dog poo in my blog before, but I am adamant that it is not a police matter.

14:23 Citizen Assist 140818035

Occurred at Edgewater Bl. , Fcy. RP lost his phone in the shop within the last 15 minutes, and the store is requiring police presence before they allow him access to CCTV footage. Advice rendered, RP will call back if he wishes to make a report. . Disposition: Service Provided.

Here's an alternate ending. "You lost your phone and you want to view our CCTV? Go screw yourself!"

16:45 Welfare Check 140818049

Occurred on Bounty Dr, Fcy. RP requests a welfare check on her friend, whom she has not been able to contact for several weeks. RP no longer lives at this address. . Disposition: Service Provided.

If she was a good friend, she would have asked you to help her move, just like I used to do.

12:30 Suspicious Vehicle 140816033

Occurred on Port Royal Av, Fcy. RP reports 2 suspicious WMA's in a light blue Honda Civic have been driving by and stopping in front of RP's residence. RP last saw them driving northbound past their residence while she was on the phone. Parent was teaching their child how to drive. No crime was observed. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

12:52 Suspicious Vehicle 140816037

Occurred on Port Royal Av, Fcy. Repeat call for a suspicious vehicle driving back & forth in front of his residence. Student driver contacted and no crime was observed. There was no answer at the RP's residence. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

The background music playing was Styx's big hit, "Too Much Time On My Hands"

23:48 Suspicious Vehicle 140818073

Officer initiated activity at Gull Av, Foster City. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

My Volvo in no way can be considered suspicious.

17:04 Suspicious Person 140817043

Occurred at Tarpon. , Fcy. Anonymous RP reports that an older WMA, gray hair, tan pants, was chasing the geese with an orange umbrella. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

A colorful report

22:36 Fraud 140813062

Occurred on Marlin Av, Fcy. RP received a call from a subject impersonating a close friend in a foreign country, asking for emergency funds. RP did buy several $500 money cards but ultimately did not send the money as the subject was unable to correctly answer identifying questions. Advice rendered. Disposition: Service Provided.

Did I ever tell you the story about when The Wig was living in London?

All Things Kardashian

We're all going to hell and they're paving the road for us.

Kim is coming out with a coffee table book of selfies. It is titled Selfish. I'm thinking she didn't grasp the irony of that. It has 352 pics, one for every day of the year, according to Kim.

Fresh off the presses, she states "Had so many cool looks for this commercial I shot for Hype Energy USA. On tonight's episode of KUWTK u will see some," This one doesn't fit into that category.  

Kim's little half sister Kendall Jenner allegedly walked out on a restaurant bill because they wouldn't serve her alcohol. The story is, when the waitress came after her, she threw a couple twenties in her face. I'm sure she wasn't raised that way. If true, is that any way for a celebrated model and author to act?

Kourtney's pregnant, Khloe has a new boyfriend and Bruce is admonishing Kris for reefer use. As alluded to previously, I'm heading to Hades for writing this.

About Last Weekend

Four bromosapeins, TK, UK, 4M and I, headed up to Kirkwood for our annual brocation the last weekend of July. We hit a lot of traffic the first few hours and then it was smooth sailing. 4M helped us pass the time with his evocative reading of passages from the new novel I gave him, Rebels: City of Indra. He recently repaid me with the first season of The Gilmore Girls. At our Starbucks stop, TK discovered that he really likes their version of the Arnie Palmer. I think it might be the custom mix of botanicals. Regardless, it does not take much to please TK. Like the rest of us, he's a simple man.

As we stepped into UK's abode, we encountered a scattering of dead carpenter ants, so we stayed in the garage while he vacuumed. Then the fun began. We eschewed our usual dinner at the Kirkwood Inn as a change in management had precipitated a major quality dip and concomitant negative Yelp reviews from The UK. Instead we dined on a tasty tortelloni salad his wife had graciously prepared. After our vegetarian repast, we headed out to The Philosopher's Deck for the rest of the evening. I think 4M made a remark about tethering me to the railing. I don't appreciate his weak attempts at humor.

Many of the old stories were told but we did mix it up a bit. With the Quadrophenia video playing in the background, we came up with a game requiring you to name 7 tracks from classic albums. I think we failed on Sgt. Peppers, Who's Next and Born to Run, but finally succeeded with Darkness On The Edge Of Town. We even managed to screw up The River, which I felt compelled to remind the fellows, was a double album, Teenage Dream did not come up. Unlike last year, I went to bed at a reasonable hour and slept like a log.

The next day 4M and TK disappeared early for a walk to the general store. They forded a stream on their way back, making a timely return with milk for my coffee. The UK prepared gourmet bagel (House of Bagels of course) sandwiches for breakfast. We lazed around a bit and then the entire crew took that walk to the village, where many vendors had set up tables. I almost bought a cute plaque with "Love Lives Here" for UK's cabin, but unfortunately I was low on cash.

We finished off the tortelloni for lunch. It was even better the second time around and I would like to give a shout out to Mrs. UK. 4M cracked open a Pinot Blanc, TK headed to the hot tub and we all got a good rest or nap.

Before heading out to Ciera in South Lake, The UK set up his camera and we got a good shot of the boys, which he posted on FB. This got a lot of likes and comments from our classmates, although MOC, whom I've mentioned a few times here, stated that it "lacked gender diversity". I believe we reminded her it was a brocation.

Dinner at Ciera was very good. We were hoping that our favorite maitre d' Tommy was there. We were not disappointed. Below he is opening a magnum of 1997 Ridge Lytton Springs Zinfandel that 4M brought. I think it may very well be the best wine I have ever tasted. It paired perfectly with the steaks.

After dinner we hit the casinos briefly without much success. TK broke even but I dropped a President Grant I had been carrying with me since I turned in my euros at SFO. The deck awaited.

We headed out Sunday in the early afternoon. For lunch, The UK gave us a choice of Taco Bell or Subway, which kind of reminds me of an oft asked question from my pre-teen years. "If you were up to you neck in puke and somebody threw a bucket of boogers at your head, would you duck?" OK, OK there was no call for that. We voted for Subway and I was pleasantly surprised that it was not terrible. The UK is a man of class and I should have known better.