Long Hot Summer

06:07 Suspicious Vehicle 140724017

Occurred on Marlin Av, Fcy. RP reports a suspicious subject sitting in a vehicle who, when approached by the RP, began yelling and swearing at the RP. Verbal only and situation resolved. Occupant of the vehicle determined to be a driver for a limo service picking up a client. . Disposition: Abated/Advised.

Inhospitable Limo Service Inc.

00:30 Misc Noise Complaint 140723002

Occurred on Baffin, Fcy. Complaint of a woman yelling scripture in the area. . Disposition: Quiet on Arrival/Departure.

Holy Roller Midnight Mass

10:50 Citizen Assist 140723023

Officer initiated activity at Catamaran, Foster City. Assistance provided to a family in locating a vehicle. Disposition: Service Provided.

I know its around here somewhere officer.

11:56 Civil Dispute 140723030

Occurred at E Hillsdale Bl. , Fcy. Front counter RP reports his friend handed him a bad check on 07/11/14. Advice rendered. . Disposition: Service Provided.

What is your definition of friend?

15:19 Disturbance 415 PC 140723054

Occurred at Dory Ln. , Fcy. Children playing soccer in the park accidentally kicked the ball over this residence's fence, and the resident is refusing to return the ball. Situation mediated. . Disposition: Abated/Advised. 15:20 Cite Sign-Off

Sounds like something I'll be doing in a few years. They advised the resident to stop being a curmudgeon.

18:21 Suspicious Person 140723067

Occurred at E Hillsdale Bl/Twin Bridges. , Fcy. Report of a WMA dressed in black and white loitering under the bridge all day. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

22:15 Citizen Assist 140723072

Occurred on Cumberland Ct, Fcy. Advice rendered to a process server who is having difficulty contacting the resident. . Disposition: Service Provided

We advise you to look for an alternate line of employment

00:02 Suspicious Circumstances 140722001

Occurred on Erickson Ln, Fcy. RP reports unknown rang his door bell and ran away. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

When I was kid, a cohort and I rang every doorbell in our 72 unit complex. Since it was broad daylight, we were readily identified. It got me grounded for a week. That's a cautionary tale kids.

17:11 Suspicious Vehicle 140807065

Occurred on Beach Park Bl, Fcy. RP reports a tan older model Cadillac sitting outside her house for 4 hours, occupied by an older WMA in a striped shirt. RP believes he is a private investigator hired by her ex-husband to harass her. Vehicle last seen northbound on BPB. Area check made. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

Not a PI, just an aging hipster

19:23 City Ordinance Violation 140807077

Occurred on Catamaran, Fcy. Delivery truck parked on Marlin at Catamaran vibrating neighborhood. Ongoing issue. Marlin Cove shopping management won't let trucks make deliveries in front and are not allowing access to the back forcing delivery drivers to park on City streets. Contact made with driver making a delivery to Starbucks. Driver will contact Starbucks and attempt to obtain a key. RP advised and will follow up with Starbucks management as well. . Disposition: Service Provided.

The best of my knowledge, the only thing that can vibrate a neighborhood is an earthquake.

13:06 Citizen Assist 140802030

Officer initiated activity at Barkentine, Foster City. Officer flagged down for parking advice. . Disposition: Service Provided.

Hello Officer, how does that parallel parking thing work again?

11:30 Outside Agency Assist 140803025

Occurred on Crane Av, Fcy. Resident rpts a City sewer line issue; determined to be the homeowner's responsibility. . Disposition: Outside Assist / Mutual Aid Given.

What's the detail on this one? Did the DPW say "We don't want to deal with this chucklehead"?

13:10 Welfare Check 140721046

Occurred on Timberhead Ln, Fcy. RP requests a welfare check on her son who is not answering the phone. Subj contacted and checked fine. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

Her son is 32 and wants to be left the hell alone.

19:40 Citizen Assist 140717080

Occurred on Bonita Ln, Fcy. Front counter RP has furniture left out for donation & unknown(s) have been moving it around. RP feels she is being harassed. Disposition: Abated/Advised.

The feng shui practitioners were asked to move along.

00:33 Disturbance 415 PC 140819003

Occurred on Sanderling, Fcy. Rp requests a police response due to his wife behaving inappropriately again. Parties separated for the evening and Informational case taken. . Disposition: Report Taken.

Holy Cow, if I did that, the cops would be at my house all the time.

23:16 Disturbance 415 PC 140818072

Occurred on Sanderling, Fcy. RP reports his wife is acting irrational and is intoxicated. Verbal only; parties agree to sleep in separate rooms for the night. . Disposition: Abated/Advised.

I got nothing

12:16 City Ordinance Violation 140819025

Occurred on Bainbridge, Fcy. Rp reports to an officer regarding his neighbor not picking up after her dog. No one home at the offending neighbor's residence ; officer to attempt contact later. . Disposition: Completed.

I've made references to dog poo in my blog before, but I am adamant that it is not a police matter.

14:23 Citizen Assist 140818035

Occurred at Edgewater Bl. , Fcy. RP lost his phone in the shop within the last 15 minutes, and the store is requiring police presence before they allow him access to CCTV footage. Advice rendered, RP will call back if he wishes to make a report. . Disposition: Service Provided.

Here's an alternate ending. "You lost your phone and you want to view our CCTV? Go screw yourself!"

16:45 Welfare Check 140818049

Occurred on Bounty Dr, Fcy. RP requests a welfare check on her friend, whom she has not been able to contact for several weeks. RP no longer lives at this address. . Disposition: Service Provided.

If she was a good friend, she would have asked you to help her move, just like I used to do.

12:30 Suspicious Vehicle 140816033

Occurred on Port Royal Av, Fcy. RP reports 2 suspicious WMA's in a light blue Honda Civic have been driving by and stopping in front of RP's residence. RP last saw them driving northbound past their residence while she was on the phone. Parent was teaching their child how to drive. No crime was observed. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

12:52 Suspicious Vehicle 140816037

Occurred on Port Royal Av, Fcy. Repeat call for a suspicious vehicle driving back & forth in front of his residence. Student driver contacted and no crime was observed. There was no answer at the RP's residence. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

The background music playing was Styx's big hit, "Too Much Time On My Hands"

23:48 Suspicious Vehicle 140818073

Officer initiated activity at Gull Av, Foster City. . Disposition: Checks Ok.

My Volvo in no way can be considered suspicious.

17:04 Suspicious Person 140817043

Occurred at Tarpon. , Fcy. Anonymous RP reports that an older WMA, gray hair, tan pants, was chasing the geese with an orange umbrella. . Disposition: Gone On Arrival.

A colorful report

22:36 Fraud 140813062

Occurred on Marlin Av, Fcy. RP received a call from a subject impersonating a close friend in a foreign country, asking for emergency funds. RP did buy several $500 money cards but ultimately did not send the money as the subject was unable to correctly answer identifying questions. Advice rendered. Disposition: Service Provided.

Did I ever tell you the story about when The Wig was living in London?