DJ's Detritus

A Creative Writing Class Dropout's Last Refuge

Tuesday, November 19, 2024

It’s Flu Season

I just got back from getting my flu shot at CVS. I passed on some others, like RSV and pneumonia, but was intrigued when they brought up that they were doing a beta test for an RFK brain worm vaccine.  I had to sign a lot of paperwork, but it was worth it.  I can already feel the alien DNA coursing through my veins. 

There’s some great stuff happening in pop culture these days.  I usually provide links because you people are lazy as hell, but you are going to have to do your own research on this one.  Have you ever heard of Chock Chapple?  All I can say is never hitch your wagon to someone named Chock Chapple.

Now I will resume proving links, so you don’t stop checking my blog every six months.  Being on Substack would solve that problem, wouldn’t it.  Maybe in 2025.


I caught this one recently, but I’m sensing a cover up.  They say it was an accident, but my thought is this guy may have shot himself when he came to the realization that his name was Sundance Head.  It is not as bad as being named Chock Chapple, or Chickenfry – look it up damn it – but it’s still something to live down.


Pauline is sending positive vibes in a scantily clad manner again.  I found her message of “getting old doesn’t mean you’re broken” inspiring until I read further down when she said, “except for extreme cases like DJ”.

I am a broke down, beat up man but I’m improving.  I’ve been walking around the house without a cane a lot and I’m back in the pool a few days a week.  PT is going well.  They add exercises every few weeks. I see the neurosurgeon on December 6.  2025 will be better than 2024, especially if I get on Substack.


Like Paulina, Sydney Sweeney is supportive of nudity.  My pal The UK is a fan of Sydney. He also could be a fan of her being naked, but I don’t want to make any assumptions. Like Pauline, Sydney also said “except for DJ”.

Mark Zuckerberg dropped a single with T-Pain. I liken this to an oarfish washing up on the beach. The oarfish is a mythical harbinger of doom.

I was crestfallen to see that Australian break-dancing sensation Raygun was retiring.  She brought wonderment and confusion to so many.  Among the tributes was a post-interception celebration by Cam Bynum.  I think he did the move better.


As you may have seen, The Onion has bought InfoWars.  Their rationale is worth the read.


My pal JB is overwhelmed by my active social life, but it is not all it’s cracked up to be.  My wife invited #1 and TCG for dinner last Wednesday, over my strong objections, because they were without their wives, and therefore sad. My wife put together this tasty dish for the boys, and even let me have some. We had enough leftovers for two more meals.  The only problem was that she was originally referring to it as “smoldering chicken”, which gave me pause. And since my wife was having her ex-work crew over Friday, #1 threw me a lifeline and invited me over for pizza with TCG and #2.  He demo’d his new 3D printer.  I’m going to ask him to make me a new pair of orthotics.


My kids never had this problem.


Get ready to see Tommy Cutlets and his agent this weekend.  Also, get ready for another Giants loss.



I moved up to 2nd place this week.  Here’s the week 12 winners.

Pit KC Min Hou Det Mia TB Was Den GB AZ Phi LAC

Monday, November 11, 2024

Decency Lost

Like eight years ago, I’m stunned and saddened by the results of our presidential election. There are almost 75 million Americans who see Donald Trump in a completely different light than I do. I’ve read a few of the post-mortems but have been staying away from the news for the most part.  I can’t explain it and I don’t think the pundits can do so satisfactorily either.

I’m sure I’ll have a few things to say in the future, but for now I’m going to bury my head in the sand and keep up with People magazine.  My last political comment concerns troglodytes like Newt Gingrich and Jesse Watters.  They were up in arms at the thought of a woman voting differently from their husband.  I consider myself more enlightened.  My wife and I were on different sides of the Foster City business license tax on the ballot and we’re still madly in love.

Tuesday, October 29, 2024

ZOOM

We have a weekly Zoom call with the FC boys that started during COVID.  I have not been on for quite a while, so I plan to join tonight. It will be a good opportunity for the guys to spend some time with me.  #1 and the newly surgically repaired TCG will be there. TCG had his shoulder fixed.  Word on the street is he’d been spending too much time shaking hands with the mayor. I may not be at my best for this call, because I’m still struggling with that Salma Hayek / Nicole Kidman dust-up from a few weeks back.

I’ve seen a few articles about celebrities that have relationship rules.  Given the life span of those relationships, there must be a lot of rule breaking going on. The only one in my relationship is do everything she says, like pick me up at the international terminal when I return from the Turkey trip that I dumped you for and make sure dinner is ready. 

The busy social calendar continues.  We went to see The Exec and his Beloved1 in Cloverdale last Thursday.  We met at Trentadue Winery and tasted several of their offerings. We bought a bottle of Montepulciano and a Cuvee 32.  Trentadue means 32 in Italian, but you already knew that.  The locals apparently call it Trentadoo, which pains me.  After our winery experience, we had a great dinner at their house, which included several fine wines, far better than the plonk we usually drink. We spent the night and stopped in Santa Rosa the next morning to have coffee with Mr. and Mrs. Poughkeepsie Kid.  He was my boss back in the '80s.  They had just come back from their Hudson Valley trip for his 50th high school reunion.

That’s not all folks.  Saturday night we hosted Unc and Mashie for dinner.  My creative wife found a new recipe for roast chicken with sage butter.  She ended up misplacing the recipe a few times, I’m not sure how, but found it in time for dinner.  It was a gustatory delight. We shared the Montepulciano and had Mashie’s knockout dessert.

I hear there is an election coming up.  The Trump team made a strong effort to reach out for the Puerto Rican vote at their MSG rally, which was modeled on the 1939 Bund rally.  Same shit, different day. My wife and I mailed our ballots yesterday.  I’m going to let the cat out of the bag.  We voted for Kamala. Now I just have to bite my nails for the next 10 days or so.

Here’s this week’s money-making picks.

Hou Atl Bal Buf NO Cin LAC Was Ten AZ Phi Det Sea Min KC

Thursday, October 24, 2024

Postscript

My wife pointed out that I left a few folks off of the thank you list on my last post.  I am not an ingrate, just forgetful.  I was treated to a dinner at Bellini with the Banker and Tina along with other friends and family.  We had the back room to ourselves, with an excellent array of appetizers and a tasty red.  The week prior, I enjoyed a fine home cooked meal at Chez Belge. And Dr. Joe and the Wig checked in often, along with my kids and siblings. Last but not least, I got get-well postcards from The Wolv. We both have an affinity for snail mail.  Molto Grazie Tutti.

I was talking to JB about doing another “ripped from the headlines” post, in which I make wise-ass comments about recent headlines.  She agrees that it is lazy man writing, so it is right up my alley.  She also appreciates my occasional goofy FB post, of which this was the most recent.


I did get a haircut recently, so I count that as a makeover. #1 was by the other day and he complimented me on it, calling it my “gulag look”.

Here’s another funny FB post from one of my high school buds.  He’s usually good for a couple winners a week.  It also ties into my next headline.

“Hey, I’m not dead yet!”

I hate to see the travails that celebrities go through romantically. I just care too much. But I think Cher should maybe just get a puppy, given the 40-year age gap with her current beau.

Would it be “Sorry Mom”?

Trump was in Latrobe, PA, home of Arnie Palmer, St. Vincent’s College and my former home, where my brother and I attended St. Xavier’s Academy, which burned down some time after our departure.  El Naranjo was regaling the crowd about the size of Arnie’s schlong, which in my estimation is an unorthodox campaign tactic.  He’s also apparently confused the definitions of love and treason.


Hopefully you’ve enjoyed my slothful efforts.  I’ll leave you with this week’s NFL picks.  I’m holding strong in 2nd place.

Min Bal Det Hou GB Mia NYJ Atl Phi LAC Sea Was Den KC SF Pit

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

NO CATERWAULING??

I haven’t put up a post for over a month and I’ve gotten zero complaints, not even from #1, although he’s been in Turkey along with my wife for the last three weeks.  I picked them up at SFO Monday.

I was beginning to worry that my blog was not among the most popular in the world, but then I found out it was one of Donald Trump’s favorites, so I felt a deep sense of validation.  My problem now is how I’m going to describe the non-events of the last month of my life.  Should I go most recent backward, or vice versa?  Stream of semi-consciousness? I know! I’ll do the weave. If it’s good enough for my favorite orator, it’s good enough for me.

So, the Turkey travelers are back. I waited at international arrivals for about half an hour while the luggage came in, but that is the least I can do for wifey, #1 and Barbie. I’m not sure what #2, TCG and Katie did for transportation, but I’m not operating a bus service. Of course, dinner was ready for the little lady when she arrived home.

I knocked it out of the park this past weekend in the NFL pool.  14 games, 14 correct picks.  And then I got an email that five other folks did the same thing, which made me feel less special.  I hate feeling less special.  I am tied for second place, so I plan to bring home the dough.  Here’s this week’s picks so you can call your bookie and then I’ll move on to another topic.  Weave, baby, weave.

NO Jax Atl Buf Cin GB Ind Det Phi LAR Was KC Pit Bal LAC

I have a bunch of folks to thank for helping me out while my wife abandoned me. My sister was out here for my niece’s 9/21 wedding, so she extended her stay to keep an eye on me.  We all had a wonderful time at the blessed event.  We stayed at the Hotel Petaluma and were ferried off to a remote wedding venue. My niece is a chef so you can imagine how good the chow was.  We were blessed with beautiful weather for the touching outdoor ceremony.

My sister’s stay on Gull was uneventful, which is the way you like it when you are recovering from a laminotomy.  She had use of my wife’s car, so she caught up with several East Bay friends. We went out for dinner one night but stuck close to home for the most part.  Her wife gifted me some great Zin she had picked up after the wedding, so we sampled a bit of that.

The Hoteliers took me out for lunch at Sweet Basil this past weekend.  They also carted over some Thai food a few days after my surgery, so props to those two.  I’ve decided to forgive them for moving out of Foster City.

Unc and Mashie brought over dinner a couple times.  They were in touch making sure I was doing OK after my sister left.  Unc also came down from his Belmont perch a couple mornings to take me out for a walk.  No leash was required.

My baby girl flew down the first weekend in October to keep watch on the old man.  She did some laundry for me but didn’t have to work too hard otherwise. We had dinner at Tokie’s Friday night and Sweet Basil takeout for Saturday.  We visited Fieldworks on Saturday afternoon, as only craft beer will do.  There were a lot of kids running around, even on the bocce courts clearly marked “no kids”. It was a hipster haven but this geezer with a cane did his best to fit in.  The beard helped.  There was one crew that stood out.  I believe the young lady was going for a goth look but I couldn’t figure out what one dude had in mind.  He had long red hair and a beard to match.  He also had a moustache, but it did not touch the beard.  He had on a sleeveless pink shirt, but his worse offense was that he was calling the IPAs “eye pahs”. I guess that cat hasn’t been out of the house for a decade or so, which explains his hairdo, couture and pronunciation.

I’d like to also give a shout out to my old high school friend JB. We’ve traded a few hundred emails over the past weeks that kept me entertained.  Our 50th high school reunion occurred at the beginning of October.  Neither of us made it but we did get to see a ton of pictures that were posted, which informed our conversation. I can assure you that nothing snarky was said by either of us.

Thursday, September 12, 2024

You Deserve a Post Today

Today marks two weeks since my surgery. I have not had much desire to write, but then I realized that my readership has been having a tough time too, not having access to my bon mots for over two weeks.

I’m doing pretty well.  The wife trots me out every morning for my ten-minute walk up the block and back. We ran into the Banker doing his constitutional earlier this week.  He moves better than I do.  In the afternoon I do my walk inside, which is quite exciting. I pop Advil a couple times a day, which is all that is required.  Arising from a chair is a lot easier than it was and I even went out for dinner last night for the first time.  I employed the cane for that. OK, that’s my medical report.

How about you guys?  Are your pets safe?

Wow, that was quite a debate Tuesday. Kamala baited the hook and Donnie Darko jumped at it.  I would have total contempt for the guy if he wasn’t a leader in fertilization.  Even a lot of Republicans, like Frank Luntz, said he shit the bed. Hopefully he will be out of public life and in the slam in 2025. I can dream.

To my chagrin, I missed the VMAs last night.  You can catch all the looks below.  Some people, like Addison Rae, were wearing their underwear. Remind me why she’s famous again. I’m clearly getting old because several of these people I’ve never heard of.  My celeb knowledge has its limits. Lil Nas X stopped by on his way to join Elon for the next SpaceX launch.  My main disappointment was that JLo did not show up in her revenge dress.

https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/mtv-vmas-2024-red-carpet

OK people, the new NFL season is upon us.  I went 14 for 16 last week, which put me in a seven-way tie for 2nd place. I plan to move into first this week with these sterling picks.

Buf Bal LAC Dal Det Ind Jax SF Sea NYJ Was LAR Pit KC Hou Phi



Friday, August 23, 2024

DJ on Substack?

I've been talking to SB1 and #1 about the possibility of migrating my blog to Substack.  It is apparently easy enough that even I could do it.  This would let me widen my audience, allowing people to join up via email. Conversely, it could allow people to treat it like the spam that it is.

We had a good time in NJ.  I managed to keep my pants up the rest of the trip.  Sonny Boy wheeled me around the beach on one of these. Mine even had an umbrella.


We also had a regular wheelchair.  The six older adults went out for dinner one night.  Afterward, my brother-in-law dumped me on the sidewalk when he was rolling me home. I’ve never quite understood the ill feelings he has harbored for me all these years.  I treat his sister like a queen.

The DNC was lit.  It is interesting the enthusiasm that can be generated when there are two decent human beings on the ticket. I just wish Kamala was as good looking as Trump. We’ve taped the whole thing.  I’ll have to fast forward to the part where Beyonce shows up. I have not watched much but have done a little reading, especially Charles P. Pierce in Esquire.  I sometimes send his stuff to Unc and the Wolv.  That’s probably a violation of some law, but I like to live on the edge.

https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a61956817/kamala-harris-dnc-acceptance-speech/?source=nl&utm_source=nl_esq&utm_medium=email&date=082324&utm_campaign=nl36507739&GID=a299db311496f415a2e5ca233c02f2a5e378f94bdef396e576bc2d0f6c84dcbd&OO=&utm_term=TEST-%20NEW%20TEST%20-%20Sending%20List%20-%20AM%20180D%20Clicks%2C%20NON%20AM%2090D%20Opens%2C%20Both%20Subbed%20Last%2030D

Fox News had a different take. Hannity said the DNC’s theme was hatred and loathing. I really didn’t get that vibe on the parts I saw.  They may find Trump hateful and loathsome, but that would just make them objective.  Jesse Waters referred to the convention as boring.  I have the same take on Jesse as the Slate writer who titled his May article "The Resting Smirk of the Bulletproof Moron". Ultimately Fox had to cut off a ranting Trump on the final night of the DNC. “He’s still talking”.

I think one could say it’s been tough on all of us.

My surgery is coming up Thursday so there may be a blog void for a bit.  Or I might live blog my recovery. I’ll send a status update out via email asap afterward, possibly in an opiate induced haze.