What Would Ryan Do?

The FC boys were giving me crap about not reporting on Ryan Seacrest’s breakup with Aubrey Paige, but I’ve got whiplash, damn it! A 4/22 Yahoo headline told me they "Have Discussed Having a Baby Amid Their 3-Year Romance".  Then People drops a bomb on me yesterday, saying they’re breaking up.  The good news from the People article is that they plan to stay in each other’s life.  Now that’s commitment.

The girls were in town from Portland last weekend for their wedding shower on Saturday. The Banker’s house was overrun with women, which is why he wisely went out to golf with his boys while Tina put on a hell of a gala. They brought back a pile of loot, which I was tempted to put on eBay. Friday night my wife and I put together a Coq Au Vin for the girls, my daughter’s future mother-in-law and her sister.  I was on my best behavior, a façade I had to uphold for several hours. The future MIL said I had a great sense of humor, proving herself to be very perceptive. Sunday the crew went into the city for brunch at Town’s End.  Some had Mango Mimosas, but I don’t go in for such things. We beat the Giants game traffic out of the city.

With all the wedding talk last weekend, I did a little brainstorming. I was thinking the cummerbund I mentioned on my 4/10 post might not do the trick, so I’m going with this on the special day.

I heard Margot Robbie is working on a movie based on Monopoly, whereas I’m working on a movie about watching paint dry.  I expect the Monopoly movie will get the same reaction as the Barbie movie did here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEOmTQADTIA

I’m hitting Safeway this afternoon.  I need some jam, but haven’t decided whether I’m going with Megan Markle’s or King Charles’.

Did you hear the new Tay Tay diss track titled “Lil DJ”? I am pissed!

I was sorry to see this headline today.  For anyone who knows me, I’m all about the hugs.

47 Degrees and Raining

Did that deter me from doing my laps at the outdoor pool today? Certainly not!  A beast by any other name would smell as sweet.  Wait, does that make any sense?

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/beast

I did not get my swim in yesterday.  I showed up around 9am only to find out that the pools were closed for repairs.  The outdoor pool would re-open at 10, but I had a date with my wife. I would have expected a personal phone call from the posh club informing me of the closure, as I am a treasured charter member.

The wife and I spent yesterday morning at SFMOMA, because we’re highly cultured.  We saw a lot of cool stuff.  We were impressed by some of the abstract art, but not all of it.  As far as I am concerned, nailing together two different geometric shapes in two different colors doesn’t cut it.  I found this out the hard way.  A few years ago, I painted a large piece of plywood black and added a smaller green triangle to it.  I sent photos of it to museums all over but no takers.  I had to use one of my bi-annual large item pick-ups from the garbage company to get rid of it.

Back to my date. After MOMA, my wife and I walked a half block to Fang on Howard. Peter Fang started House of Nanking in 1988. I’ve been there, but not for many years.  Back in the days when I worked in the city, three of the best Chinese restaurants in the country were within walking distance of each other: Henry Hunan, Brandy Ho and House of Nanking.  You cannot go wrong with any of them.

We enjoyed lunch at Fang.  We both got tea, which they serve with a big tea ball that eventually unwraps itself in the mug. We found this cool, as we are rubes. After I paid the check, the waitress was working with the next table and blocking my wife’s exit.  I stood up, said “it was nice having lunch with you, see ya” and went outside. I like to kid.

The wife and I also had a busy Thursday. After doing my bi-weekly volunteer activity, we headed down to see 4M and his wife in San Jose.  We had originally planned to hang in his back yard and eat take-out, but he came up with a cockamamie story about not wanting to put up the sunshade due to the impending rain. We ended up at a sandwich joint a few blocks from their house.  I think he just likes being seen in public with a famous blogger. Back home in the evening, we had a bocce game.  The wife cannot play due to her elbow, so she put on a cute cheerleader outfit.  We lost again, keeping our record perfect.

The wife likes to give me blog ideas sometimes.  She said I should write about the constant work at the end of the block. I said to myself, “That will make sterling content”. It actually is kind of funny how a crew shows up every two to three weeks and re-digs the same hole.  They spent a lot of time down there installing streetlights last year, but I don’t know what the hell they are doing now.  Maybe it is a training facility.

I also get blog motivation from #1, aka pork thief.  He lets me know when I’ve gone too long without one of my scintillating posts.  I saw a hit from Sonora, CA today and I got my mojo.  #1 is hanging in Yosemite this weekend.

In my 1/5/24 blog, I made a rare wisecrack in referring to the Golden Bachelor couple.  I said, "I wish them all the happiness in the world for the few years I expect them to remain together." I guess I should have said months, as they are divorcing.  I sent this news on to a couple of my WhatsApp buddy chat groups.  Some of the guys took it pretty hard.

I had a bad week in the options market.  I blame Jamie Dimon. I plan to halt all trading in May, due to Double Brood Cicadageddon.

Turn Around Bright Eyes

After causing a near-tsunami in lane 2 during my hyper-competitive workout at the posh club this morning, I headed over to Men’s Wearhouse.  I was there to get measured for a tux for the girl’s wedding.  The guy told me I had short legs.  Is that any way to get return business? He ended up being pretty savvy, as he upsold me on a special cummerbund that can reduce my abdominal protuberance by up to 50%. He did caution me that my results may vary.

Boy, howdy, that was some eclipse the other day, no? I went outside at 11:15 am with the special glasses I got at the library. My neighbor was out there too so I lent her my glasses and then the mailman tried them out. The next one isn’t for twenty years, so I’ll probably be having beers with Beelzebub then.

I’m glad I didn’t put out any dough to get into the path of totality and a traffic jam for this non-event. One Mexican TV station had a little mix-up during their broadcast. And Heart did Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart with Jimmy Fallon.  I’ve always called that song Total Eclipse When I Fart. This is due to my lack of maturity.

https://www.tmz.com/2024/04/09/eclipse-flashing-live-tv-mexico-rcg-media/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhIYINetsdc

I had dinner at an Indian restaurant in West Portal on Monday night with my old pal the Phoenix Flyboy. We ended up talking more about his kids and mine and other current events rather than going down memory lane. It has been over 35 years since we worked together, not far from where we were chowing down. Now that we are reacquainted, I expect we’ll get together more often than every 20 years. In his honor I picked up a few DAL calls.  They report today after the bell. 

I had lunch with the numbers last week.  I had mentioned that Ben Tre had closed down their San Mateo location, so we decided to visit their Millbrae restaurant.  They serve excellent Vietnamese cuisine.  About a minute after my vermicelli bowl arrived, #1 snatched a piece of grilled pork off the top. In an effort to keep his fingers out of my food, I ceded a piece of my Imperial roll as well. That seemed to do the trick.  Meals with these guys are always an adventure.

Today is National Erase Self-Negativity Day. I’d enjoy celebrating it more if I wasn’t such an asshole.