The Reviews Are In

 for my Xmas letter and they are all raves, as usual.  The East Coast contingent has probably not received theirs yet, but I know that they are all the patient sort.  Here’s a sampling of the input so far.

“Best Christmas letter ever!”

“Were you high when you wrote it?”

“Yes, Matt needs a shave.”

I went for my swim this morning.  The car thermometer said it was 48 degrees.  I said I’m a tough SOB and I was not going to let that stop me.  A gentleman joined me in my lane at one point and did not seem to be in a particular rush to get out.  He did get a slight swipe from my backstroke before I could engage him in conversation.  My thoughts of “get the f#$% out of my lane” translated to a diplomatic plea for him to give me a heads up before he enters my lane.  I realized he was there on his way to his own lane, but it is my fervent hope that he waits until I am at the other end of the pool before he tries that again.

We are having great deal of social activity related to the holidays but are being safe as always.  Unfortunately, we are not yet able to heat the outdoors as there is one final PG&E step to take place, which I expect will have to happen after this week.  We are doing driveway cocktails here tonight nonetheless.  We also plan to see some villagers and their spawn this week and already had a festive Zoom call with the #1s on Sunday. The #1s sent us a cute little gift basket and even included some cat food for Biscotti.  For other villagers reading this, I really like cute little gift baskets.

In the political arena, it looks like Trump and team’s efforts to overturn an election they lost by 7M votes are finally beginning to bear fruit.  Word on the street is that Sidney Powell will be releasing the kraken on Christmas morning, while everyone else is sipping their nog and Bloody Marys and least suspect it.  She will be taking several bong hits and muttering incantations as she does so.  I’m so confident of a second Trump term that I’ve decided to submit some of my cabinet choices for it. My only hold over will be Betsy DeVos, because of her particularly stellar performance.

Secretary of Agriculture: Farmer John

Attorney General: Jeanine Pirro

Secretary of Commerce: Michael J. Lindell

Secretary of Defense: Major Frank Burns

Secretary of Energy: The Ghost of John D. Rockefeller

Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency: Don Blankenship

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Dr. Phil

Secretary of Homeland Security: D.B. Cooper

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Bob the Builder

Secretary of the Interior: Birdman of Alcatraz

Secretary of Labor: Paul Bunyan

Director of the Office of Management and Budget: Martin Shkreli

Director of National Intelligence: Erik Prince

Secretary of State: Javanka

Secretary of Transportation: Vince the Sham Wow guy

Secretary of the Treasury: Vampire Squid

White House Chief of Staff: Taz