It’s Not Your 19th MRI

I’m writing this one long-hand lying on my bed.  Why? Because I’m a lazy bastard. Also, because my right hip went whacko a couple weeks ago, and sitting for long is no picnic. Fortunately, I got in quickly to see my favorite physiatrist, who ordered a back MRI and put me on oral steroids. Yesterday he gave me a shot in the hip, but he thinks the problem is the back nerves, so it looks like I’ll be getting an epidural. Why am I blathering on about this? To garner as much sympathy as possible from my readership.  If you’re feeling particularly verklempt, send cash.

I see that they are moving the Inauguration indoors due to the cold forecast.  They had to do it because Trump’s bronzer cakes up below the freezing point.  Regardless of where they do it, I’ll be in bed in a fetal position, weeping. Musk, Bezos, and Zuckerberg will be there to represent the oligarchy. They’ve all made moves to bend the knee, with Zuck getting rid of DEI and fact checking.

It looks like the Democrats are in trouble, taking broadsides from such luminaries as Khloe Kardashian and James Woods, whose house burned down in the L.A. fire. Wait, no it didn’t. The Rethuglicans are getting in on the act by talking about placing conditions on aid to SoCal. Wait a minute Chester, you know I’m a peaceful man, but I’d like to get a roundhouse in on a couple of these SOBs, but I’d probably just fall down and hurt my other hip.

I saw this recent headline and all I can say is “Don’t I know it!”

There’s also rumblings that she and Kevin Costner have been making googly eyes at each other.  Don’t do it Kev.  Lastly on the JLo front, she’s been giving away a lot of her clothes to fire victims. Since she never wears anything twice, that is quite a sacrifice. Now the victims can be ridiculously overdressed as they try to navigate what the hell the next steps in their lives are.

In Foster City news, we had quite the soiree here last night to celebrate Tina’s retirement. The numbers and I made a career retrospective video which was followed by our live performance, along with TCG, of a Hamilton routine, since we're song and dance men.  #1 re-wrote the lyrics and at the end we pulled off our capes to expose our cocoanut bras. This was a throwback to an act we did for her 40th birthday. #1 put in a ton of work for the show and my wife did a great job with the food and decorations, even taking over my grilling duties. And many thanks to Katie for her help yesterday afternoon. Would you like me to post a video of our performance? Fuhgeddaboudit

Since this is my first post of 2025, you’ve probably been on pins and needles wanting to know the results of my football pool. I came in fifth for a $343 payout. I am now in the middle of the playoff pool and here are this weekend’s picks.

KC Det Phi Buf

Don’t Look for Sasquatch!

In a lovely gesture, Texas governor Greg Abbott sent his condolences to Rosalynn Carter upon Jimmy’s death. I’m sure she would have graciously accepted them if she hadn’t been dead for over a year.  I don’t want to say that many Republican politicians are as dumb as a box of rocks but…

SB1 and LGMG hit the road Friday, so we are down to only the Oregon couple left. They never look for Sasquatch and are currently in Pismo Beach. They will be back tomorrow before flying out Thursday.  The four of us went to see Wicked on Saturday. It had pretty good attendance for a 10:10am showing. We had a choice of my car, my wife’s car or #1s car that he had generously let us use while he was in Houston. We decided to drive his to the movie. The next day our neighbor came by to tell us someone had hit his mirror.  Fortunately, it may have been a bike because it was not smashed, and the casing had come off in two intact parts.  I used my considerable mechanical skills to put it back together.  My concern is that #1 may find additional issues when we return it, like the need for a new engine.

I’m noticing tons of articles about the MAGA civil war.  Don’t you hate to see it? It looks like wrangling all the diversely demented MAGA elements is going to be harder than bringing down grocery prices. And our first felon President just sent out a warmhearted New Year’s note. It seems he’s pissed that Democratic senators are going to do their job and challenge some of his stellar nominees.

Old DJ has dropped down to fifth place – still a money spot – in his NFL pool, but he did take the weekly win in week 17, which is good for $20.  The weekly win is associated with how many points you make. If there are 16 games, you assign a value of 1 – 16 to each game. And here are my picks for the final week of the season.

Bal Cin Atl Was GB Ind Buf Phi TB Hou AZ Den LAR LAC Mia Det

In other football news, I’ve decided to enter the transfer portal.

Festivus Gathering

We had my brother over last night, along with his kids. 4M, his wife and their wine joined us as well. Since I’ve known 4M for 55 years, and my brother for longer, we had a lot of material for the airing of the grievances. Dinner was two huge pans of lasagna and Caesar salad. We always provide a vegetarian option because we are woke. My brother brought a dessert from a North Beach bakery and my niece, the pastry chef, made a pumpkin cheesecake. The third dessert was a panettone that my sister had express delivered to us from Sleepy Hollow. You are not supposed to eat anything bigger than your head, which the panettone was, but we bucked conventional wisdom.

I missed a call from The Wig yesterday. He was probably just letting me know my Christmas gift was on the way. He got a mention in our annual letter, so he couldn’t be beefing about that.  I’ll give him a shout once I’m done with this post.

Tonight, we have a few members of the FC crew coming over.  For several years we had a large gathering of villagers on Christmas Eve.  I think we peaked at about 28 guests one year, probably back in the mid-2010s. This year The Hoteliers are in Oakhurst and #1 and Barbie are in Houston. It is not really a legit blog post if I don’t mention #1.

Christmas Day will be just the family, including LGMG’s parents and sister. My wife went out to find the most expensive turkey extant and I believe she is under the impression that I am going to help her brine it today. The festivities will continue Thursday night as we head into the city for dinner at the Liholiho Yacht Club. It is nowhere near water, but the food is good.

My pal JB is telling me that she didn’t receive my Christmas letter and is concerned that she has been axed from the list.  Her concern is valid, but she did make the cut this year. Hers should have gone out in the first batch I sent, so I blame the USPS. Plus, she lives in Florida now, so maybe some Florida Man raided her mailbox. I sent her a digital version, so I expect we’ll exchange 10 emails or so today. 

Outgoing Senator Joe Manchin had his own grievances to air, torching the Democratic Party as “toxic”. That’s rich, given its opposition is led by one of the most execrable human beings on the planet. I wonder what he thinks of Dear Leader making noises about taking over the block of ice that is Greenland. I want Agent Orange to focus on bringing grocery prices down, although he has admitted it will be “very hard”. Joe, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Kim Kardashian gifted us with her version of Santa Baby, which many people are calling “disturbing” and “demonic”. I’ve decided to keep the vibes positive and stay as far away from it as possible. I’m hoping Khloe and Kourtney will do their version of Jingle Bells to lighten the mood.

I remain in third place in the football pool, which has a $430 payout. 4th place is only one game behind me, so I gotta bring my A game these next two weeks. For your consideration, my week 17 picks.

KC Bal Sea LAC Cin LAR Ind Buf Ten Min NO TB Mia Phi Was Det

Hark

I’ve finished a rough draft of our annual letter. It will be going through a rigorous review process by my wife and should be in your mailbox by the end of next week. In that same vein, don’t tell her, but she’s getting a boho romper onesie for Christmas.

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/jennifer-lopezs-boho-romper-onesie-165755133.html

#1 was pleased to see I finally got a blog out Tuesday and shared it with the FC posse, along with his response, which was:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_NpdAy3WY

Touching, though somewhat delusional.

LGMG got into town last night. SB1 will be joining us Saturday. I picked up some bagels to go with the lox we’ve had in our fridge for a few weeks. I can’t find a use by date on it so I told LGMG I’d eat some today and if I don’t get sick, she can have it for breakfast tomorrow.

I shared my week 15 picks on my last post, but I have made one change.  I decided to take Houston over Miami. Now you can place your bets.  I don’t like to bet against the Niners, but I am a realist. Maybe next year.

We had a hell of a dinner at Barbayani in Los Altos Tuesday night. It was The UK’s 67th birthday.  He was the youngest kid in our high school graduating class.  I was the third youngest.  We’ve both gone on to do amazing things. TK and 4M were there along with their spouses. 4M was acting as our sommelier. We had two rounds of appetizers, including some flaming cheese. OPA!  They wheeled out a cart of after-dinner drinks. Most of us tried the 20-year port, which was delicious.  When that ran out, 4M tried the 30-year.  I think I need to bring my Greek pal TCG down there some time in 2025.

OK beautiful people, have a great holiday.

Where’d My Mojo Go?

I’ve been working on a post since before Thanksgiving but have not been “feeling it”. I got up early this morning and have already done a news scan and a couple crossword puzzles, so it’s time to get in gear.

We had a festive Thanksgiving over at #1’s house, along with several of his family members and TCG and Katie. Besides the excellent chow, we were all thankful to be under the radar of the incoming Orange Ogre administration. We can also be grateful that Jennifer Love Hewitt and Lacey Chabert are trying to make a Christmas movie together.

#1 did a heck of a job carving the turkey, as illustrated below.  He said he watched an NYT video to get his technique. The Wig told me he had seen that video as well, but I’ve seen no photographic evidence of his results.

Since #1 was pretty busy, we did not have a chance to discuss the Foster City geese problem. He’s in favor of draconian solutions, but the latest news is the city council is looking at "remote control devices, strobe lights, lasers and chemical repellents" as well as “propane cannons, pyrotechnics and electronic devices". I don’t know what the hell a propane cannon is – I guess the internet could help – but I’m all for sending these guys on their way.

#1 was a little miffed – I should have just titled this post “#1” - that I have not shared my NFL picks, since I have not blogged in what seems like eons, at least to my #1 fan. There has been a lot of interesting stuff happening in the last few weeks.  Matt Eberflus’ stellar clock management finally got him fired.  The Raiders almost put away the Chiefs, but managed to step on their big shot with a bad snap. The Chiefs are good, but lucky as hell. They won Sunday with a field goal that hit the upright and bounced in.  I had chosen the Chargers in that one.  So close! And last night the Cowboys had it in the bag when they could not get out of their own way on a blocked punt.  That went my way as I had taken the Bengals. Here are week 15’s tentative picks.  Don’t put your money down until I give you the go ahead.

LAR Was KC Cin Mia Bal NYJ Dal LAC Den AZ Det Phi Sea Min Atl

We spent this past weekend at The Hotelier’s new hotel in Oakhurst. We got invited along with another couple.  You’ll never guess who it was. That’s right, #1 and Barbie. We had a great day Saturday at Yosemite.  We saw all the big sites: Half Dome, El Capitan, Bridalveil Falls, Degnan’s Deli. It was a full day topped off by my wife’s favorite new recipe, NYT Skillet Chicken, that we had prepared in advance. We spent Sunday lazing about. I got in a full day of football viewing whereas #1 made himself useful by figuring out the pellet stove and inspecting their well. We got kicked to the curb yesterday morning and are now back in beautiful Foster City.

It’s Flu Season

I just got back from getting my flu shot at CVS. I passed on some others, like RSV and pneumonia, but was intrigued when they brought up that they were doing a beta test for an RFK brain worm vaccine.  I had to sign a lot of paperwork, but it was worth it.  I can already feel the alien DNA coursing through my veins. 

There’s some great stuff happening in pop culture these days.  I usually provide links because you people are lazy as hell, but you are going to have to do your own research on this one.  Have you ever heard of Chock Chapple?  All I can say is never hitch your wagon to someone named Chock Chapple.

Now I will resume proving links, so you don’t stop checking my blog every six months.  Being on Substack would solve that problem, wouldn’t it.  Maybe in 2025.

https://people.com/country-singer-and-the-voice-winner-jason-sundance-head-shot-in-texas-8746641

I caught this one recently, but I’m sensing a cover up.  They say it was an accident, but my thought is this guy may have shot himself when he came to the realization that his name was Sundance Head.  It is not as bad as being named Chock Chapple, or Chickenfry – look it up damn it – but it’s still something to live down.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/paulina-porizkova-reminds-fans-getting-165935064.html

Pauline is sending positive vibes in a scantily clad manner again.  I found her message of “getting old doesn’t mean you’re broken” inspiring until I read further down when she said, “except for extreme cases like DJ”.

I am a broke down, beat up man but I’m improving.  I’ve been walking around the house without a cane a lot and I’m back in the pool a few days a week.  PT is going well.  They add exercises every few weeks. I see the neurosurgeon on December 6.  2025 will be better than 2024, especially if I get on Substack.

https://m.imdb.com/news/ni64950322/?ref_=nws_nwr_li

Like Paulina, Sydney Sweeney is supportive of nudity.  My pal The UK is a fan of Sydney. He also could be a fan of her being naked, but I don’t want to make any assumptions. Like Pauline, Sydney also said “except for DJ”.

Mark Zuckerberg dropped a single with T-Pain. I liken this to an oarfish washing up on the beach. The oarfish is a mythical harbinger of doom.

I was crestfallen to see that Australian break-dancing sensation Raygun was retiring.  She brought wonderment and confusion to so many.  Among the tributes was a post-interception celebration by Cam Bynum.  I think he did the move better.

As you may have seen, The Onion has bought InfoWars.  Their rationale is worth the read.

https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

My pal JB is overwhelmed by my active social life, but it is not all it’s cracked up to be.  My wife invited #1 and TCG for dinner last Wednesday, over my strong objections, because they were without their wives, and therefore sad. My wife put together this tasty dish for the boys, and even let me have some. We had enough leftovers for two more meals.  The only problem was that she was originally referring to it as “smoldering chicken”, which gave me pause. And since my wife was having her ex-work crew over Friday, #1 threw me a lifeline and invited me over for pizza with TCG and #2.  He demo’d his new 3D printer.  I’m going to ask him to make me a new pair of orthotics.

https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1025070-smothered-chicken

My kids never had this problem.

Get ready to see Tommy Cutlets and his agent this weekend.  Also, get ready for another Giants loss.

I moved up to 2nd place this week.  Here’s the week 12 winners.

Pit KC Min Hou Det Mia TB Was Den GB AZ Phi LAC

Decency Lost

Like eight years ago, I’m stunned and saddened by the results of our presidential election. There are almost 75 million Americans who see Donald Trump in a completely different light than I do. I’ve read a few of the post-mortems but have been staying away from the news for the most part.  I can’t explain it and I don’t think the pundits can do so satisfactorily either.

I’m sure I’ll have a few things to say in the future, but for now I’m going to bury my head in the sand and keep up with People magazine.  My last political comment concerns troglodytes like Newt Gingrich and Jesse Watters.  They were up in arms at the thought of a woman voting differently from their husband.  I consider myself more enlightened.  My wife and I were on different sides of the Foster City business license tax on the ballot and we’re still madly in love.