You Call This Content?

You may have caught the recent news that The Patch laid off a large portion of their workforce. Historians will trace the downfall of The Patch to the discontinuance of my column. Part of my schtick was a monthly commentary on the FC police log. I'm returning to my roots, but including events from other Peninsula towns this time around. Going forward, it'll be the all FCPD all the time as I'm now on their daily mailing list. The blotter items are below with my remarks in italics.

Two people pulled over Half Moon Bay were sober, but had illegally caught crabs

Give them a break. Having crabs is no picnic.

A resident accused a neighbor of throwing toilet paper on her property. When contacted the neighbor said indeed she had, but only because her accuser had cast the first roll.

Let he who is without sin cast the first roll.

A woman who removed price tags in a dressing room, then stepped out in brand-new cheetah print pants and a matching purse, gold shoes and a black jacket, was arrested by waiting officers.

The charge was bad taste

A woman in a store at closing time was seen taking a picture of the ATM.

Non-story. I have several ATM pics framed on my wall.

A man pounding on a person's door was reported to be wrapped in a cape and wearing a crown.

Burger King?

Occurred on Greenwich Ln, Fcy. RP reports a male identifying himself as the IRS just called him & demanded payment for $5000 in unpaid taxes. Advice rendered and NFPAD. Disposition: Service Provided.

Since the call came in at 12:30am, I think you need to block that caller.

Occurred on Spinnaker, Fcy. RP reports 2 subjects in a van parked in the driveway of a neighbor's residence. RP questioned the subjects who stated they were carpet cleaners, however, it didn't appear they had any cleaning equipment. Officers contacted a male/female who were in possession of a signed contract to clean the carpets; cleaning equipment was observed in the van. Disposition: Checks Ok.

Now why would anyone lie about being a carpet cleaner?

Occurred on Beach Park Bl, Fcy. Report of three vehicles and one subject with a camera. Contact made: determined to be enthusiasts photographing their cars. Disposition: Unfounded.

Whether you are car enthusiast or an ATM enthusiast, some folks need to

learn to leave well enough alone.

Occurred at Touchless Car Wash on Foster City Bl, Fcy. Audible alarm reported.Disposition: False Alarm.

I see ones like this a lot. Isn't audible alarm redundant?

Occurred at Recreation Center on Shell Bl, Fcy. Citizen at the front counter requests to speak to an officer regarding activity at the Vibe. Disposition: Service Provided.

The Vibe is the teen center. Damn kids. I'll be able to start complaining about them in a few years, right after I sign up for my AARP card.

Pedestrian Stop: Officer initiated activity at Black Angus, Chess Dr, Foster City.Disposition: Checks Ok.

I disagree. I wouldn't rate Black Angus even an OK.

Occurred on E Hillsdale Bl, Fcy. Assistance rendered to Foster City FD on a medical call. Determined to be Coroner's case. Disposition: Report Taken.

Nuff said