An Admission

After my last post, I got an admission from The Banker that their beloved Boston Terrier occasionally drops one on my lawn. But since The Banker is a solid citizen and a member in good standing of the FC plastic bag brigade, I know that nothing is left behind but the slightest residue.

I got my swim in early this morning. I stay afloat well due to my ample and growing paunch. I gotta get rid of this thing so I can meander through Ireland and England this summer. We will be spending July 4th with our first au pair and her family. Yes, I will mine that situation for humorous nuggets. We will end the trip in Paris, accompanied by The Wigs. Now that is is in print, there is no way my crony can back out.

Speaking of The Wigs, their eldest son, a fresh faced doctor, is coming to town. The timing is good as I plan to consult with him about my latest ailment, a creaky shoulder. He's not an orthopedist but that will not stop me from putting him on the spot.

The wife and I caught Wolf of Wall Street on pay per view last night. I tried to turn away during the nude scenes but I did see several breasts. It was a good flick. There were several excellent performances. I was surprised to find that the actress that played Belfort's second wife was Australian. She had the Queens accent down.

Now for several stories about my wife, which she will no doubt relish. I am the early bird in our household. When I'm up at 5am or so, I often encounter a few small piles of paper towels on the counter. I've already told her I'm going to be pissed the next time she has a paper towel party and doesn't invite me.

I went to Safeway yesterday and texted her to see if she needed anything. She said "Food!". She occasionally fancies herself a humorist.

I recently created a new nickname for her but it hasn't really stuck. When we had a couple recent dinner parties she cranked up the new furnace. Spring evenings in NorCal are really not that frigid, but it did give us a chance to argue in front of our friends. Then one afternoon I walk into her office and she has not one but two space heaters cranked up. I found it uncomfortably hot and at that moment decided to call her Biscuit.

On Letterman this week was a kid from England, Jamie Edwards, who built a nuclear fusion reactor at the age of 13. He's 14 now and quite self assured, as you'd expect. Letterman asked him something to the effect of "How'd you come up with that idea, what about a puppet show?" That is one of the many reasons I will miss him. I'm hoping Colbert can fill his shoes.

Hey, I put up the following funny on FB and have not gotten one damn "like". What the hell is wrong with you people?

"I'm a little upset today. JP Morgan missed Q1 estimates. I can only hope that this does not cause Jamie Dimon to fall on hard times."

Lastly, what's all this talk about socialist media?