You Dirty Rat
We had quite an escapade at my house the other day. I found a bag of chewed through cookies in the hallway, so I suspected some sort of varmint, not unlike the ones that Mitt Romney hunts. Since we had been away for several days, I asked son #1 if he had seen anything. He said he had. I asked “Was it a mouse or a rat?” He was not very forthcoming. “So was it an inch long or a foot long”. He said “kinda in between”. I pressed further. “It was a rat, a rat” he sputtered. I found his candor refreshing.
Being the alpha male, I sprung into action. My local hardware store had quite a selection of traps. They even had something you plug in and it emits a pitch that repels rodents. It said that it would not bother pets but I figured my kids might be sensitive to it. So I just picked up a few traps and went home. I baited them with chunky peanut butter, the natural kind, just peanuts and salt. I wanted its last meal to be a good one.
The next morning I awoke early to check things out. One trap had been tripped but there was nothing in it. I looked around and then noticed some blood on the kitchen floor. Panic in Foster City! I followed the trail into the family room. Son #2 had gotten up by then and was sitting in his usual corner watching TV. As I continued my search, I saw the little bastard sitting about three feet from my kid, twitching away. I yanked son #2 out of there and went to get my shovel. Fortunately the rat was well positioned. I opened the sliding glass door and flung him out. He crawled away quite slowly and ended up on a bench in the patio. I consulted the internet as to what to do with a half dead rat on your patio. I then went out and whacked the thing with the shovel. Three times, just to be sure. In the interim, my crazy wife went to get the video camera. So there I am, in my undies, goofy slippers and bright red rubber gloves, swinging for the fences. The Upgrade King wants me to embed videos in my blog but this one ain’t making the cut.
In other news, I’m pissed at The Pope. The guy has bad timing. I’m going to have to start working on my annual review at work in a few weeks. Now that he’s announced that there’s no more limbo, I’m going to have to come up with a whole new career path.
Being the alpha male, I sprung into action. My local hardware store had quite a selection of traps. They even had something you plug in and it emits a pitch that repels rodents. It said that it would not bother pets but I figured my kids might be sensitive to it. So I just picked up a few traps and went home. I baited them with chunky peanut butter, the natural kind, just peanuts and salt. I wanted its last meal to be a good one.
The next morning I awoke early to check things out. One trap had been tripped but there was nothing in it. I looked around and then noticed some blood on the kitchen floor. Panic in Foster City! I followed the trail into the family room. Son #2 had gotten up by then and was sitting in his usual corner watching TV. As I continued my search, I saw the little bastard sitting about three feet from my kid, twitching away. I yanked son #2 out of there and went to get my shovel. Fortunately the rat was well positioned. I opened the sliding glass door and flung him out. He crawled away quite slowly and ended up on a bench in the patio. I consulted the internet as to what to do with a half dead rat on your patio. I then went out and whacked the thing with the shovel. Three times, just to be sure. In the interim, my crazy wife went to get the video camera. So there I am, in my undies, goofy slippers and bright red rubber gloves, swinging for the fences. The Upgrade King wants me to embed videos in my blog but this one ain’t making the cut.
In other news, I’m pissed at The Pope. The guy has bad timing. I’m going to have to start working on my annual review at work in a few weeks. Now that he’s announced that there’s no more limbo, I’m going to have to come up with a whole new career path.
posted by DJ @ 3:32 PM
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